A Brick Wall And An Angry Redhead

Seek and Destroy

Axl
Happiness is not to be tolerated if it's not my own. Izzy and Slash are disgustingly happy; this means they must be destroyed. I've tried the angle of taking Izzy away from Slash and it didn't work. I could keep trying but I know Izzy and he'll either eventually snap or beat the shit out of me or he'll take Slash and run just to get the fuck away from me. Either way my mission is not accomplished; they'd still be together and I wouldn't have Izzy. So I'm going to have to go about it from the other end. If I can't take Izzy away from Slash then I'll take Slash away from Izzy.

It might take a while, but then again it might not. Slash is young, eager to please Izzy and me since we're older and it was our fucking band to begin with. He's also horny as fuck all the time which is a plus in my book; it's obviously one in Izzy's too so working the angle of getting Izzy to believe that Slash did something sexual with me even if he doesn't might not be too far-fetched. So it comes down to being successful at one of three things:
1. Getting Slash to sleep with me and telling Izzy.
2. Getting Slash into a compromising positon at a strategic moment which Izzy will catch him.
3. Outright lying about fucking Slash but getting Izzy to buy it.
Any of these scenarios will end up with Izzy being single and vulnerable and very unhappy giving me an opportunity to come to his rescue. Maybe for once I won't be the asshole; I'll get to be Izzy's knight in shining armor.

I give it a few weeks until we hit the road; we're on tour opening for The Cult, our first major tour as an opening act. Slash and Izzy are disgustingly excited about everything but especially about each other. Not that it's stopped them from fucking whatever girls make their way backstage too; those two come backstage, drink, chat up some chicks disappear with them and then I'll see them disappearing into one of their hotel rooms together later. I followed them one night and what they're doing is fucking the girls in one room, leaving them there and then going back to the other's hotel room to fuck each other and pass out. Not even the temptation of girls comes between these two. Well maybe the temptation of me will.

One night onstage I change my pattern of dancing all over the stage and occasionally touching Izzy, which he tolerates to dancing around and flat out being all over Slash. I lean on him, I lay my head on his shoulder, I put my arm around him and breathe into his ear. I never stop singing and he never stops playing, not for a second but I see his eyes get huge underneath that curtain of hair. He tries to go and stand near Izzy; using him as a barricade but he can't hear himself play that close to Izz so he has to go back to the other side of the stage. I already knew that would happen, I know that the two of them can't hear a damn thing if they try and play too close together so they'd have to stay apart if they wanted to sound good and they're both conceited as hell when it comes to that so keeping them separated onstage is no big thing. I look over at Izzy once while I'm leaning on Slash's back and he's shooting daggers at me. Good, it bugs him. As soon as our set's over and we're offstage though Slash and Izzy disappear down a dark hallway together and I don't see them for the rest of the night.

I keep it up all through the Cult tour, into the Aerosmith one and I ignore every whispered "Get the fuck off of me Axl" that comes out of Slash's mouth onstage. Generally he shoves me off of him and walks somewhere else onstage. He won't publically make me go away because the photos and videos coming out of the concerts are causing panties to drop all across the country and ticket and album sales are through the roof. Photographers start having us lay all over each other during photo shoots and I can tell that it burns Izzy up to see me sprawled out on a sofa with my head in Slash's lap or to see Slash laying his head on my shoulder for photo that's going to be seen by people all around the world. The two of them aren't really into a lot of PDA but they're not really hiding their relationship either.

Management sure as hell is though. No matter what anyone sees they aren't allowed to report on it, they have to sign a waiver giving us final approval on any story they print; if it varies even one iota from the version we green light there's a huge fine attached. Geffen is making a shit load of money off of us and they're not putting up with anything getting in the way of that. Apparently that means that America needs to believe that Guns n Roses only wants to fuck girls. Somehow a rumor gets out that the waiver was my idea. Apparently I'm such a diva that I can't tolerate the lies that the press prints about me. While that's somewhat true that's not the real reason behind the interview agreement.

About halfway through the Aerosmith tour I notice Slash reacting to me touching him in a more, um, shall we say positive way. One night I'm behind him, grinding into his ass and I go a little further than usual and run my hand down his bare stomach and over the waistband of his jeans. I hear a sharp intake of breath and he whirls away from me and runs off to play with his back to the audience near the drum riser. Uh huh. So naturally I have to run that way a few seconds later, right between Slash and the drums to triumphantly slither past Izzy so that I can whisper "Did you see that?" in his ear. He shakes me off and moves towards the front of the stage so I can't feel him up too. But he saw what I saw; the reason Slash jerked away from me and ran off to play looking at Steven was because as soon as I touched his waistband he got one of the biggest boners I've ever seen. (Steven is disgusting to look at while he's playing, too much chest hair and sweat flying everywhere, trust me, the sight will kill any amount of arousal you might even think about having so it solves Slash's problem quickly.) This is getting easier by the day.

I don't go near Izzy or Slash again throughout the rest of the set that night but I watch the interaction between the two of them. Slash keeps shooting panicked looks at Izzy and Izz either looks completely stone-faced or like somebody killed his puppy depending on whether or not he's facing the audience. For the two of them it has to be the longest forty-five minutes of their lives. There's downtime between our show and Aerosmith's and everyone sees Izzy "accidentally" slam the dressing room door in Slash's face like he didn't know his boyfriend was right behind him smoking like a chimney trying to calm himself down because he knew Izzy was angry and hurt and he had no idea how long it would be until he would get a chance to talk to him about it privately. Slash stops short in front of the door like someone slapped him and sighs. Duff comes up behind him and puts his arm around Slash and I hear him say "Come on buddy" and more or less push him into the room.

I'm about to follow them when an arm is thrown around my shoulders and I'm pulled away... I look up, startled to find Steven Tyler standing beside me walking me away from my dressing room and down the hall towards Joe Perry. They take me into their Joe's dressing room and close the door. I look back at it thinking of a quick way to escape but Joe leans against it with his arms crossed blocking my exit. Well now doesn't this look like it's going to be a fun conversation; probably just about as fun as the one Izzy and Slash are gonna be having tonight. Fuck.