Like We Used To

Three

"Does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times? Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain? Does he do all these things like I used to?"

October 27, 2017

Pag-uwi ko nung gabi ay hindi na nawala sa isip ko 'yung sinabi ni kuya James. Hindi ko alam na may ganung story pala siya.

Bumangon ako sa higaan ko nang naalala ko 'yung ka-batch ni kuya James. Binuksan ko 'yung laptop ko and I stopped when I saw my wallpaper; it was her. I smiled bitterly while tracing her face using my index finger. Gustuhin ko mang palitan ay hindi ko naman magawa.

I sighed when I saw my files & it was all about her. I'm such a stalker, I know. Pero hanggang dito lang kasi ang kaya kong gawin ngayon eh.

I opened google and searched for Ann Li. My jaw dropped when I saw her pictures; ate Jenny was right! She's living her life to the fullest! One week she's in France then a week later she's in Germany!

And wow! She's really pretty! I watched some videos of her and kuya James. Ah, now I understand where kuya James is coming. Ang hirap nga naman, she was with him from the start tapos it ended lang that way.

As I was browsing on youtube, I saw a video for Kisses and Donny. Hindi ko na sana papanoorin pero napindot ko bigla.

Bigla namang kumirot 'yung puso ko nang makita ko kung paano sila magtitigan. Ang sakit pala makita na may iba na siyang tinititigan; kasi dati ako lang naman 'yung tinitingnan niya ng ganun.

Pero, Kisses.. siya na ba talaga? Kaya ba niyang sabayan ka sa lahat? Kaya ba niyang panoorin lahat ng gusto mong movies or does he even want to read the books you like? Kaya ba niyang sabayan ka sa pagsayaw at pagkanta kahit wala sa tono? Kaya ba niyang hayaan kang kainin mo 'yung pagkain niya?

And... all my questions were answered by pictures on twitter. I wanted to curse and shout.

They might be doing a movie but I knew they were doing it for real. She was dancing; he was glancing and suddenly joined her.

What a sight and what a heartbreak for me. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi. Funny but ito na 'yung nangyayari na sa akin.

Napailing nalang ako. I closed the app and stood up. Naalala ko na may Asap pala kami today. This day will be hard for me, makakasama ko kasi sila.

When I arrived at ASAP studio; nasa loob na sila. Inaayusan na si Kisses and Donny was waiting beside her.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my broken heart. Feeling ko kasi may ikakawasak pa ang puso ko at natatakot ako na baka hindi ko kayanin.

After an hour, tinawag na kami para sa chillout. Hindi ko magawang ngumiti dahil masakit ang puso ko. I tried so hard; doon naman kasi ako magaling sa magpanggap na masaya ako kahit hindi.

"So, Donny and Kisses, ang ganda ganda ng mga bts pictures ninyo." Ate Sue said. "Nakita niyo na ba?"

"Oo naman." Markus said. "Number one fan ako ng DonKiss eh."

"'Tsaka they looked so cute together." Darren added.

"Sobra." Ate Sue said. "Tsaka gusto ko 'yung mga outfit ni Kisses."

"She loves it too, Sue." Donny said. "Kasi feel na feel niya everytime na nagpapalit siya."

"Magkasama kayo sa tent?!?!!"

"Oo. Pero buo kami. She's with Devon din naman."

"Tsaka busy kasi sa ML si Donny." Kisses said.

"Hala oh! Naglaglagan na!"

"Uy. Hindi naman kaya." Donny said to Kisses.

Napaiwas nalang ako ng tingin. Ang sakit kasi. I wanna laugh it out loud nalang para hindi mahalata na I wanna cry right there.

Please, end it na. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pang pigilan ang lahat.

"Please abangan niyo po ang Walwal atsaka 'yong Playhouse po." Kisses said. "Kasama ko po si Donny doon tsaka marami pa pong iba."

Umalis na ako doon kahit hindi pa tapos. Hindi na kasi kayang pigilan pa ng luha ko. I went to the nearest comfort room; ang bakla ko ba? Masakit kasi.

"You okay, bro?" Donny asked when he saw me at the backstage.

"Yeah."

"Bigla ka kasing nawala." He said.

"Can you do me a favor, Donny?"

"Yeah, sure." He said and looked at me.

"Can you please protect Kisses at all costs?" I said at napakunot noo naman siya. "Protect her kasi hindi ko magagawa."

"You can." Donny argued. "You just don't want to."

"Because I'm not the one she needed." I argued back. "Please, Donny. Take care of her."

"Kahit hindi mo sabihin, gagawin ko." He said. "Thank you for letting her go."

I nodded and he left me. Akala mo lang na pinakawalan ko siya.. pero ang totoo hindi naman talaga. Kasi eto lang ang choice na mayroon ako ngayon. If only I have another choice, hinding hindi siya mawawala sa tabi ko.

I just hope na Donny's the right guy for her; para naman kahit anong sakit ang nagawa ko ay maaalis din sa puso niya at makakalimutan din niya ako.