Like We Used To

Two

"If only I could be in that bed again; if only it were me instead of him."

October 25, 2017

I saw your pictures with him; and suddenly the flashbacks got me.

I looked at my reflection at the window. Wow, it's been a year and few months already. I clearly still remember how we slept in that bed. How I fell asleep just by looking at you.

Sobrang hirap, Kisses. Sobrang sakit. Sabi ko I'll protect you pero look at me, look at what I'm doing. Ako 'yung dahilan kung bakit ka lumayo sa amin.

Hindi mo man sabihin, alam ko. Alam kong iniisip mo na I'm unworthy. Pero sana mafeel mo na you are worthy and you are loved by our fans, your fans.

And your being protected by him. Sana ako nalang. Sana ako nalang 'yung gumagawa ng bagay bagay para sa'yo at hindi siya.

"Uy. Okay ka lang?" Ate Kim asked me.

Magkasama kami sa van ni ate Kim. I don't know why but sabi nila ay may mall show daw.

"Dahil ba sa pictures ni Kisses at Donny?"

I looked at her and slowly shook my head, "I'm just tired."

"I may not know what was between you and Kisses pero ramdam ko 'yung paghihirap niyo." Ate Kim said and tapped my shoulder. "Andito lang si ate Kimmy if you need someone to talk to ha."

I nodded and smiled at her. May tao pa palang handang makinig sa katotohanan. Akala ko kasi ipipilit din niya na may something sa amin ni Maymay.

After the mall show ay dumiretso kami sa isang restaurant. I saw some fans and took some pictures.

"Uyy! Reunion ba ng mga PBB babies?" Ate Kim said kasi nandito din sila kuya James and their batch.

We greeted each other at umupo na. I was sitting beside kuya James kaya kita ko 'yung ginagawa niya sa phone niya.

"Oh my gosh!" Someone squealed kaya naman napalingon kaming lahat.

Kuya Ryan immediately stood up at pinuntuhan 'yung babae. They hugged and the rest of their batch went to her; maybe she's a part of PBB but I never met her?

"Guys, this is Jenny Kim. She's a former housemate too." Ani ate Devon.

"Hi!" We greeted. She smiled at us, she seated infront of kuya James.

"How's life, Jenny?" Kuya Bret asked.

"Well, too busy sa study but I got this." She said and smiled. "How 'bout you guys?" She looked at me. "Oh! You're Edward!"

I nodded. "Hi, ate Jenny!"

She smiled. "Aw, sayang naman. Ann wants to meet you pa naman."

"Ann?" Kuya Ryan asked. "Ann's here?"

"The other day," Ate Jenny said. "Oh, and she said congrats to you."

"Who's Ann?" I asked.

"It's Ehnn, not H-Ann." Kuya James said.

"Oh.."

"She's a former housemate." Ate Jenny said. "But she did not continued her acting career."

"How's Ann?" Kuya Ryan asked. "Never seen her for almost 3 years?"

"She's good." Ate Jenny said.

"Too busy on visiting other countries?" Kuya James asked.

"Kinda? And she's enjoying her life to the fullest."

"Yeah. Like she turned her back on us."

Napakunot noo si ate Jenny. "She never did that, James. Alam mo 'yan."

"Really? Why did she go away then? Why she chose to leave me instead of being beside me?"

Wait, I think she's the girl kuya James was talking about sa interviews niya!

"Asled advices to your kuya James. He might help you." Ate Kim whispered.

"She did what she had to, James." Ate Jenny said kaya napabaling ulit ako sa kanya. "You should've known that."

"Ang daming paraan, Jenny. Bakit hindi man lang niya ako tinanong?"

Ate Jenny stood up. "Know what? Get a grip on yourself, James. Stop questioning Ann's decision. It was you who made Ann choose."

Bigla namang umalis si Ate Jenny kaya hinabol siya nila Kuya Ryan. Pati si Ate Kim ay sumama sa kanila, I was left with kuya James.

"I know you wanna ask something. Go ahead."

"Who's Ann?"

"Ehnn." He corrected me again. "Ehnn Li. I see Ehnn on Kisses. Kaya naman I liked her."

"You like Kisses?!?"

"Not what you think, okay? I liked her being herself. Kasi I'm seeing Ann."

"Your song... babalik. That's for her?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Eight fucking years yet here I am asking for explanations."

"What happened?"

"I chose my career. She chose her career. Simple as that." He looked at me. "Just what like you and Kisses did."

"No.."

He shook his head, "I never knew you personally but I knew Kisses. I knew how hurt she was kaya everything came back. It's like I'm having my karma na."

"What?"

"Nagsisisi ako na pinakawalan ko si Ehnn. I should've held on, baka sakaling masaya ako ngayon." Aniya. "So chose what makes you happy, Edward. Your career won't make you happy forever."

"But she's happy with him now. Ayoko ng mahirapan pa siya."

He stood up and tapped my shoulder, "Nasa huli ang pagsisisi. Welcome to the club, Edward."