Like We Used To

Four

"Fourteen months and seven days ago.. oh, I know you know how we felt about that night. Just your skin against the window.. oh, we took it slow."

March 05, 2017, PBB, Day 235

Big Night! Like, we never thought will come this far. We've been through so much; we've been together through ups and downs.

"Started from the bottom, now we're here." Kisses said tapos niyakap niya si Maymay.

I felt something was wrong between Maymay and Kisses; kahit noong nasa labas kami. I've seen their friendship from day 1. So, I know when something's up between them.

"You okay?" Kisses asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah."

She sighed. "I don't want to end this."

"End what?"

"This." She said. "All of this. I mean, ayaw ko pa matapos ang PBB but I know everything must come to an end."

I held her hands, "Hey. Look at me," She looked at me. "PBB might be over but not our friendship, not our bonds and most probably, not our relationship."

She leaned her head on my shoulder, "Probably, they are rooting for you and ate May."

"And?"

"I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

"We might lose each other."

"Do you think I'll let that happen?"

She shrugged. "No one knows what will happen."

I scoffed, "Then, what do you want me to do? Cut my wrist?"

Bigla naman siyang napaayos ng upo at humarap sa akin, "Of course not! Ano ka ba naman!"

"Kisses, listen," I said. "What you said a while ago, it felt like you were saying na I should cut my wrist kasi I'll lose you."

She sighed, "Edward, we don't know what will happen kasi. What I'm saying was what if's lang."

I shook my head, "I don't want what if's, Kisses."

I expected Kisses will be the big winner but I was wrong. Maymay won; don't get me wrong okay? I'm happy for Maymay, but I think someone was more deserving.

"Congratulations, MayWard!"

I turned my back on saw our fans; Maymay and I. Hindi ko alam kung lalapit ba ako sa kanila kasi I saw some KissWards.

"Lapitan natin, Ed." Maymay whispered.

Wala naman akong nagawa kundi lumapit. I saw Kisses went to her fans pati sa mga ka-loveteam niya na fans nila. I sighed when she was greeted by KissWards; sana nandoon ako.

Ilang beses ko na ba nasabi na sana kami nalang ang pagtambalin? Ilang beses ko na nga bang sinabi na siya ang gusto ko pero dahil hindi siya ang gusto para sakin kaya malabong magkasama kami?

September 13, 2017, Loving in Tandem

It's the premier night of Loving in Tandem. Oh, how time flies so fast? Dati pinaguusapan lang namin na magkakamovie kami tapos eto na ngayon.

"Congrats to us, bro!" Wika ni Marco pagkakita sa akin.

I smiled, "Yeah. Congrats."

"Bakit parang 'di ka naman masaya?"

"I'm happy, Marco."

"No." Aniya. "You're not."

He sighed, "Is it because of Kisses?"

"I remember what we talked nung big night." Wika ko. "I... uh, I just missed everything."

He tapped my shoulder, "I'm sure she does too."

"If only I can turn back time."

"Why turn back time if you can make it right today?"

After the Premier Night, we had our after party. I saw how close Marco and Kisses are. Maybe her feelings for Marco came back.. just maybe.

"Bakit naman mukhang hindi ka masaya?" Ate Peachy asked. "Mukhang successful naman 'yung movie natin."

I smiled, "I'm happy, ate Peach."

"Ed, alam mo bang iba ang okay sa masaya?" Wika niya. "Okay ka ngayon, pero masaya ka ba talaga?"

Napaiwas ako ng tingin, "Basta alam ko, okay ako ate Peach."

"Pero hindi ka nga masaya?"

"Ang hirap, ate Peach." I chuckled. "Ang hirap maging masaya kung alam kong wala naman siya sa akin."

Ate Peachy hugged me. "Be strong, Ed."

"Tinatry ko." Wika ko. "Kasi alam ko na 'yun ang dapat."

She messed my hair at iniwanan na ako. I went outside para magpahangin. Nahihirapan kasi akong makipaghalubilo sa kanila.

"Heyy."

Napalingon ako and my heart became wild, "H-hey."

"Congrats to us!" She said happily. "Ang galing niyo ni ate May."

I hugged her. Alam kong bawal pero hindi ko na din kaya. I hugged her tightly; alam kong wala akong karapatan pero gustong gusto ko.

She hugged me back; hinayaan ko lang ang sarili ko at gusto ng puso ko. Bakit? Kasi dito ako masaya, dito ako nagiging totoo.

"I'm happy for what you have, Edward."

"But I'm not."

"This.." Aniya. "This is what we wanted. Make us proud, Ed."

I knew in that moment, she already chose. She already made her decisions. Iyon na yata 'yung pinakamasakit na congratulations at success sa buhay ko.

She broke the hug and smiled at me, "Make me proud, german boy."

She turned her back.. I hugged her from behind.

"Don't." Wika ko, "Don't leave me, please."

Basag na basag 'yung puso ko pero alam kong buo na ang desisyon niya. Sumubok lang ako na baka mabago ko pa ang desisyon niya.

She removed my hands, she never told me anything. She left me hanging there; sobrang sakit. I cried so hard that night. At alam kong walang katumbas na sakit ang nararamdaman ko.

October 29, 2017, Mega Fashion Week x Singapore tour

I was in Singapore for a tour. She should've been here kung hindi lang dahil sa issue nila ni Marco. Nakakatawang isipin na iniisip nila na I'm at Marco's side; if only you knew what I did to Marco after I found out what he did.

Before the show starts, I saw her pictures online; it's the mega fashion week. This is her dream; and she's slaying it. My girl is slaying the runway. Wow, never thought she'll be walking on ramp stage sooner than she planned.

She never failed to tell us how proud she is for our achievements. I wanted to tell her na I'm also proud of her achievements too.

My heart hurts so bad when I saw her picture with Tanner. Wow, look at Tanner now. He has the guts to take a photo with her. I smiled bitterly, how I wish I was Tanner for this day.