I Broke You

Chapter 8

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"When you can't be honest with people, you can't ever relax with them."

-Dorothy Koomson

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We enter my room while keeping the door open behind us. I lead him to sit on my bed then take a long breath. Our shadows on the walls are all I can look at. I'm afraid if he looks into my eyes he'll see the guilt.

"Rusty, there is something I need to tell you". Here goes everything I've gained in the past year: popularity, confidence, love. Soon it'll all be gone unless he can forgive me. I wouldn't forgive me.

"Can I go first? I need to say something also".

I nod my head. I'm thankful my confession is being put off, even if it is only for a moment. A heartbreaking, devastating, moment.

He moves closer to me and takes my hands in his. His blue eyes gaze into mine. Shit shit shit. "I am absolutely, without a doubt, madly in love with you Emma Marie. You are my entire world. I want you by my side forever and ever. I need you in my life like... Like wildflowers need the rain. I'm not sure what I did to have someone as real and honest in my life as you." From any old boy, it might have seemed corny. From him, I know he is simply being himself. I'm pathetic. "Don't cry, baby."

"I can't help it." It seems I've been crying almost everyday lately. I brought him here to tell him what I did and he's got this big speech about how lucky he is to have somebody as "real" and "honest" as me.

He hugs me tightly. "I love you".

"I love you". I love him more than anything, so why did I cheat?

He smiles a little and pulls a tiny silk box from his pocket. I'm entirely breathless.

He opens the top and removes a silver knotted ring. There are no flashy stones or anything of the sort. Just a beautiful simple band with a knot.

Rusty slips it over my ring finger and looks into my glassy eyes again. "It's a promise ring", he whispers. "I promise to you I will never be unfaithful. I will hurt you sometimes, thats a given. But I will always come back to you with arms ready to hold you. Remember last year? You thought it all was crumbling down on you...then I returned. Nobody in the cosmos can take away my love for you. I'll be your superhero" He plays with the ring encircling my finger while he speaks, but doesn't remove his eyes from mine. "See the knot?" I nod my head yes. "We didn't tie the knot yet, of course. That's why the knot isn't pulled all the way. My last promise to you is to be the best I can be, Emma Cadwell. When you're my wife."

He is the best person I've met in my life, and he's all mine. Emma Cadwell. Emma Cadwell. Emma Cadwell. "You are too good for me".

He shakes his head no. "Now what did you want to tell me?" Oh shit.

There is no way I can tell him, never. "We haven't had a proper night to ourselves in weeks"

"Tell me about it. What about right now?" His spontaneousness always makes me smile.

"You are crazy! My parents know you're up here. Besides I'm grounded. I can't tonight"

"Sneak out."

"You must be kidding...your parents room is right next door to yours, they'll hear us!"

"What, do you plan on screaming?" , he says with a wink.

"We can't tonight"

"I have an idea. Brennan's family is gone and I bet he'll let us use the house"

"How does 12 o'clock sound?" If we do this maybe Brennan will out of my head for good.

He kisses my nose and stands. "I'll see you at midnight."

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I begin to crawl down the trellis thirty minutes early with my high heels in my hand. The thought alone of waiting in my room has me on edge. If I get caught I'll be grounded until college. College graduation.

My short pink dress gets caught and I end up flashing the neighborhood. I quickly pull it loose and jump down. I left my hair the same as I had it earlier, with loose curls. My makeup was fading, however, so I needed to touch that up.

It only takes fifteen paces to reach his front door. The door is unlocked like Rusty told me and I quietly walk right in. I'm not sure why I'm afraid to be loud; Brennan and his family are gone.

I see Rusty laying down on the couch and I'm surprised. The grandfather clock in the corner says it's only 11:34. He is always early to everything, but not this early. I see he has already undressed himself except leaving on his boxers. For some reason he hasn't noticed me yet. He must have fallen asleep in this darkness.

I slip out of the dress, wondering why I even put it on, and set down the heels. I'm only wearing a black lace bandeau and matching sheer panties. I bought them a fancy lingerie store in Paris, I wonder if he'll remember.

Rusty and I haven't had a night together for at least two months, which is practically unheard of for some couples. When we do, it's romantic. Never in a gas-station bathroom like with Brennan. It would be fun to do crazier things with him. In general he loves everything wild and daring. When he's with me that all changes.

I wander into the kitchen, practically naked, and find some matches. After lighting every candle in sight, I walk over to an old record player sitting in the corner. I'm amazed at what I find; at least a hundred stacked vinyl records stacked beneath the table. I turn on the turntable so the record begins to spin then put down the needle. A John Lennon song softly begins to play throughout the house. I wonder if Brennan likes old music. Probably not, knowing him. He's always listening to country.

I have no idea in hell why Rusty is friends with them, they are polar opposites. He's high, he's low. He's black, he's white. I think Bren said they met at a party our freshman year, which means he would've been a junior.

When Bren and I hung out that week when Rusty was in Florida, I realized he wasn't all bad. He told me secrets he has never told anyone else, and wasn't a complete ass. Wait a minute... I thought I was over my obsession of him.

Being very quiet, I tiptoe over to Rusty to whisper in his ear. "I missed you". As my lips touch his cheek, I realize just what I have done. That wasn't Rusty's smooth skin; the stubble belonged to no one other than the boy across the street.

His brown eyes flick open in the midnight darkness.