What I Need... (GxG)

You Should Be Here

 I reached Kehlani's apartment building as fast as traffic laws would allow. It was like 2 am in the morning and I looked a mess, my hands couldn't stop shaking as I entered the building. I had no idea why I was so nervous, maybe it was hearing the desperation in her voice or how it felt when I heard her voice. I didn't realize how much I missed her till I heard her raspy voice and the wave of emotions I've been trying to push back came running.

 Even though I should be mad at her, I'm not. I just want her, but she not mine to have and it hurts like hell. 

 I knocked my shaky hand on her door and tried to compose myself.

Hearing nothing I knocked again, "Kehlani. It's me Drew"

I heard a lot of clambering from inside and then a thud followed by a groan.

"Fuck. It's open" 

I hesitantly opened the door and was shocked by what I saw behind it. 

What once was a orderly penthouse, was now a ... a mess. Everything was all over the place. Dishes piled in the sink and furniture was thrown all over the place.

Kehlani was sitting on the floor leaning her head on the wall beside her, next to her was the portrait of herself.

"Oh my god, Kehlani are you okay? What the hell happened?"

She chuckled grimly, "Don't pretend to care. Sorry to bring you away from whoever you were f*cking"

Her harsh words hit me, but they made me more mad than anything. 

"Are you serious? What did you want me to do ? Be you dirty little secret? Wait for you? God I want you Kehlani, but I am nobody's secret. I respect myself more than that. YOU flirted with me without saying anything about a girlfriend. What was I supposed to do ? Sit and cry and constantly think about you? Cause I wanted to and I almost did, but I can't do that. Not for you, not for anyone."

I didn't even realize I was crying till I tasted the salty tears when I licked my lips. 

I looked away from her shocked face while furiously wiped away my tears. 

We sat in that silence for a bit. Neither of us wanting to speak first. 

But finally Kehlani broke the silence, "C'mere"

I looked at here and her face betrayed no emotion. 

Scared, I made no move to come. 

She chuckled, "Come here, I want to show you something"

My curiosity getting the best of me, I walked over to her and sat facing her, but making sure I kept enough distance between us. 

If she noticed this she chose not to say anything.

When I was situated, she suddenly began to pull off her shirt.

"K-"

"Shut up and listen, Ms.Garcia"

I clamped my mouth shut at that. 

Without her shirt, I saw the rest of her tattoos and was mesmerized by their intricacy. I must've moved closer because when I looked up our faces were extremely close. 

" I got my first tattoo with her. I did a lot of my first with her.", She paused and I waited for her to continue.  She pointed to the words along each of her collar bones" This one  says ' Perdida y Encontrada' which is spanish for lost and found. She convinced me to get it to remind myself that if I were ever to lose myself again, I would be able to find myself. But when I got it for me it meant, if I was lost she would find me again. I was in love with her, more than a knew at the time" I decided not to ask what she meant by "again" and held my tongue" well, at least till I lost her"