Rose

Chapter 3

I partook in a sport for each season, cross country, football, and track. Most of these sports are based on running which I thoroughly enjoy. The coach was a dick sometimes but I was good so he wasn't too hard on me. If I'm being completely honest I was a favorite. My times were good in long distance and sprints I was fast. It also helped a little that I had been on the teams since 7th grade when they allowed us to join. When I got to high school I was approached by a scout. He told me that if I kept at it and improved my times (basically if I was the team all-star) I might be eligible for a scholarship. This got me extremely serious. I was determined. So starting the sophomore year I got up at 5:30 every day and headed to school at 6. I used the practice field to run laps until school opened at 7. Naturally, I became extremely good. My body conditioned, I was able to do more and more laps each week. I slowly stopped feeling the tired pains and could actually be awake for my day afterward. My coach was extremely pleased with this, my times got better I became captain, and I met many more scouts. Some offered me to switch high schools to ones based on training. My grades were great as well these schools were nothing to scoff over, but I just couldn't leave. What kind of dumbass bastard throws away his best possible future to be near a girl he's never talked to? Me. they should call me lunatic instead of bolt junior. But I held on to the idea of the law of attraction. So stupid, but worth it? Something to contemplate. My life was perfect on paper. Good family, friends, genius, athletic, etc. but I wasn't happy? Absolutely idiotic of me. It's not one of those things where I was doing amazing but it was only because my over-enthusiastic dad was determined to live vicariously through me and I lived in the crippling fear of disappointing everyone around me. I wasn't consumed by pressure. I felt none at all. My parents were proud but they would never have cared if I decided it wasn't my life path. I loved to run, I never felt forced. I was good cause I was good and I wanted to be. Not because I was living up to others standards, cause I honestly couldn't care less. I did it for me. So where is this unhappiness coming from? Was it because of my mask? No. I like being open-minded and I genuinely think it's vital to be social even if I liked solidarity. Being surrounded didn't make me unhappy because I knew if I wanted to be a loner I could so I didn't feel trapped there. Yes, it's because of a chick I couldn't talk to. I was waiting patiently for the universe to slingshot her into my life and for us to be " made for each other." crazy but I think everyone wants to love. But I wanted real love. The kind of love where you can't go five seconds without seeing someone, and they feel the same. Like "Twilight" where there are no other options, where that is the only person for you. I think synonyms would be something like soulmates or, twin flames. I was convinced that because I felt so strongly it HAD to be her. I could tell she was special in some ways too. For instance, she read a lot. Just like I wanted to she had friends but when she was alone her face was stuck in a book. A new book every day, she must read fast. At lunch, she sat with a big group of people talked and all that, but every few moments she was gazing pretty solemnly out the window. Made me wonder what was going on in her head. Why did she look so forlorn? I had the urge to hug her sometimes but you know might be weird it some random dude hugged you telling you it would be ok just because you were looking out the window. Woof, I would think to myself, why am I so fucking incompetent? There are no plausible answers. There are no reasons why I shouldn't be able to talk to her.