Fostering Luke

He saved me

THREE

I sat in my room alone. staring out the window at the children outside having fun. They are all jumping around and  rolling in the leave piles. How could they be having so much fun when they're orphans. I was definitely not. It sucks. Even though my father was abusive and were broke. I would take all of that back to have my mother alive and with me again. 

I examined each part of the back yard closely. Checking each kid out too. There were a few that were dog piling on the leaves. they looked the most normal. There was a kid that looked the tallest out of them all. He was dunking a smaller kid into mud. He was obviously the bully. And the other was an outcast. I couldn't help but feel bad for him.He had the stereotypical look of a nerd. The glasses and the high waisted pants. the new mud stains are gonna take a long time to come out of those. Then I saw a pack of boys playing around with a ball. They were just average looking boys having fun. I haven't had fun like that in a while. A sigh escaped my throat. My gaze shifted over to a group of girls. They were definitely the popular group. I do not want to encounter them at all. The last thing I need is trouble. There was a girl sitting at the front of the group. She looked like the leader. She was checking out her own  nails whilst staring at something. I followed her gaze and sure enough she was looking at LUKE. He was on a low tree branch, and by the looks of it he was alone. I couldn't help but notice how we had something in common. He was just sitting there. He wasn't moving. He wasn't talking to any other kids. He was just sitting there staring at his surroundings. As was I. Suddenly he looked at me. His blue orbs catching my light brown ones. I couldn't stop staring at him. He was breathtaking. He remained staring at me too. I gulped. He must have noticed my mood by my facial expressions. His lips turned and slowly moved upwards. Revealing pure white straight teeth and dimples! oh lord this boy is going to be the death of me, I swear. I broke my gaze from him and moved away from the window. noticing that the same girl that was staring at Luke before was now glaring at the window I was by. 

When the light outside started to drift away I could hear the children running upstairs. They must have just finished dinner. Thanks alot for your consideration of me too I thought while scowling. I can't take it anymore. I thought maybe Luke could be a reason to live. But now that I know he is the popular girls boy I know I was wrong. I need to die. I need to finish this once and for all. I made a mental plan in my head. I will cut myself all over my body. I will take each drop of blood from within my veins and leak them to the floor. So I can die slowly and feel each bit of it. But I need to wait for everyone to be asleep. I don't need anyone finding out about this.

Two hours later I could hear nothing but snores through the floorboards and walls. I mentally smiled at myself. This is it. It's time. I pulled my jumper off so i was only wearing a white t-shirt with blue shorts. The coldness welcomed me as I opened my bedroom door and slowly made my way down the stairs. I creeped past each door listening to check if everyone was asleep. Then I remembered. I don't even know where the bathroom is. I face palmed myself and checked every door again. seeing if there was a bathroom nearby. I looked at every door and still no sign of a single bathroom. Once  reached the bottom floor of the building I began to lose hope. How they don't have a bathroom on at least three floors worries me. Where do they go toilet? In the backyard. I shuddered at the thought and kept checking the doors. I was now in the main hallway that I arrived in when I first got here. There were pictures on the walls of children. They looked like class photos but the children were all different ages. They must be the former "orphans." 

Then I spotted a plain wooden door at the end of the hall towards the back entrance. I pushed it open and sure enough it was a bathroom. I shut the door without thinking to lock it. Everyone is asleep anyway. I walked to the mirror that was perched in the middle of the room. I stared at my reflection. I was so ugly. I didn't have coloured eyes like all the gorgeous people. I had a bland face and a body that looked as if it was too skinny. All i did in my spare time was read books and walk around. I'm practically a living zombie. The only good thing about me is the fact that I'm alive. I won't be soon. 

I reached into the back pocket of my shorts and grabbed a razor. I had pulled it off my sharpener this afternoon. It wasn't that sharp but it would do the trick. My skin was soft after all. I took in a deep breath and pulled it to my thigh. I would start here. I pierced it into my skin and pulled it along so it ripped my skin slightly. I pulled in a scream and let the pain get to me. I need to feel this cut I need to die cut No one cares anyway cut. My thighs were now shaking. Blood dribbled to the crusty white floor. I sucked in another breath and smiled. I am at content. This is my fate. This what I want. Well what I think I want. It's the only choice I have. I then pull the blood smothered razor to my small wrist. Before I cut it I examine my wrist. The veins are greeny bluey. They are clear and stand on my white vampire like skin. I bite my lip and go for it. Slicing one go at my inner wrist. As I go for The second cut a hand latches onto my clean wrist. I instantly look up to see Luke standing there staring at me with tears swimming through his eyes. Even though he is crying he looks perfect. He grabs the razor out of my grip with his free hand. throwing it to the ground with so much force. He places that hand on my cheek. I close my eyes at his delicate touch. It feels so good. Tears fall down my cheeks as I open my eyes once again. He reaches forward and kisses them from my cheek. I freak out. Oh my lord he just kissed my cheek. He then pulls my wrist upwards. The one I slit minutes ago. The blood is slowly drying but he doesn't care. He pulls My hand to his face and he kisses that too. I feel instantly revived. Even though I now have cuts all over me. I drop to the ground and he comes next to me. He places a comforting arm around me and supports me even though were against a wall. I put my head on his shoulder and cry my heart out. He joins me too and I wonder why he is crying too. He cares about you idiot my self conscious says. I silence my thoughts and just think about the moment. I sink into his shoulder even more and cry. He saved me I think while drifting off into a slow and comfortable sleep.

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*I just wanted to share a message that is very important*

I know there is self harm in this chapter and I just want you to know that I am not using this simply for no reason. I am posting this to show my consideration for those who do self harm. And I do know that many people, teenagers especially self harm right now. I want you to know that I support you all fully and would never post this for any type of humor. I made the title " He saved me" because Luke really does save her. And I believe that those who self harm can be saved as well and that there is help. I know people who self harm and it's not something to laugh about. Just keep in mind that there are people there for you, including me. And I made this chapter especially for all of you who self harm. Be strong xx

"No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." George Chakiris

Ily all

-Kaya