Arms||Cake AU||

Chapter 45

Calum threw his arms around Luke as soon as he opened the door. His vision was blurred with tears. Luke adjusted to support his weight quickly, and immediately started stroking Calum's hair.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He whispered, concern lacing his voice. Calum choked out a sob and buried his face into Luke's neck, mumbling something unintelligible. His body shook as the sobs took over, crashing over his body in waves.

"It's okay Cal, I've got you. Take deep breaths, it's going to be alright."

"No it's not," Calum argued, pulling away from Luke's embrace. "It's not going to be alright. It hasn't been alright for years. She's gone! She's gone and it's all my fault-" Luke stood and stared in shock as Calum buried his face in his hands, trying to hide the tears that spilled from his eyes.

"What are you talking about Calum? What's going on?" Luke slowly slid his arm around Calum's shoulder and lead him to the living room as he spoke. "Did something happen?"

Calum removed his hands from his face and looked up at Luke, with wide watery eyes, and nodded. Another loud sob escaped from his lips and he buried his face in his hands again. Luke watched helplessly as Calum fell apart in front of him. He chewed on his lip ring, trying to think of the right thing to do.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luke hated the uncertainty in his voice. Calum needed him to be confident and collected, not shaky and unsure of his words. To make up for his less than comforting tone, Luke sank on to the large sofa, leaving barely any space between them, and patted Calum's shoulder.

Calum peered at him from behind his hands. The tears in his eyes glistened in the brightly light room. His bottom lip trembled as he attempted to suppress his sobbing. He knew it looked pathetic.

"I should have told you weeks ago," Calum began quietly, ringing his hands together. "But I couldn't bare to see the look on your face when I told you the truth."

Luke's eyebrows drew together in confusion, but he said nothing.

"You've seen how my older sister acts when I'm around her. She hates me. She hates me because-" Calum paused and took a deep steadying breath. "Because I'm responsible for my little sister's death."

"Your little sister as in, the girl in the photograph?" Luke asked, failing to keep his voice neutral. He was confused, shocked and, as much as he hated to admit it, a little bit scared.

"Yeah," Calum responded barely above a whisper. "I was thirteen and she was six. Mum, Dad and Mali were all busy, so I was in charge of Carmen. She wanted to go to the park on her bike, so that's what we did." Every time Calum's voice wobbled, his hand edged closer to Luke's, until he was gripping it tightly. "S-she didn't make it...."

"We were roughly halfway there when she started to lag behind me, but I didn't notice. The pavement was a little bumpy, but it wasn't- it wasn't until I heard her scream that I realised h-how bad it was."

"I turned around and she was lying on the pavement, her legs still tangled in her bike pedals. I ran over to her, and that, that's when I saw the blood. There was so much blood. Her eyes were closed and she wouldn't wake up, so I cried for help. A passerby phoned an ambulance but it was too late. She-" Calum's words were quickly cut off by a heartbreaking sob. He hid his face in Luke's shoulder, desperately gasping for air between sobs.

Luke wrapped his arm around Calum's shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. His other hand was still tightly clasped in Calum's.

"Let it all out," he whispered. "It'll be okay, just let it all out."
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Some time passed before Calum removed his head from Luke's shoulder and wiped the excess tears from his cheeks.

"Sorry about your shirt," he mumbled, letting go of Luke's hand. He interlocked his fingers and stared down at them with bloodshot eyes.

"It's alright," Luke responded softly. "It's just a t-shirt. How are you feeling?"

"Crap." Luke glanced over at Calum. His shoulders were hunched in an attempt to make himself smaller, and his cheeks were flushed red, eyes cast down. The only indication he'd been crying was the puffiness around his eyes. That and the sadness radiating from him.

"It's the four year anniversary today," Calum continued quietly. "I didn't realise until Mali barged into my room this morning. Four years and my family  can't move on. I can't escape the memory, Mali can't accept it was an accident. Sometimes even I can't accept it was an accident." He let out a sigh. "She constantly nips and worms her way into my head so even when she's not around, I can hear her scrutinising me. In my head, she kept telling me I was going to hurt you, or that you'd leave when you found out. That's why I tried to push you away, I believed her."

Luke's brain was swimming. Emotions all muddled together, twirling round and round his head. He was angry at Mali for making Calum feel like that for so long. He was upset that Calum felt he couldn't trust him, and guilty because it wasn't about him and he had no right to be upset. But in his emotional confusion, everything began to piece together. Everything he knew about Calum had new meaning when it was put into perspective.

And the strongest emotion Luke felt was pride. He was so proud of Calum for fighting through all of that on his own. He was proud that he'd finally found the strength to talk about it and he was proud that, despite everything, Calum was an overall good person.

He sat speechless for a few minutes, simply staring at Calum in silent awe.

"Well, first of all, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." Though he tried to hide it, a small smile crept onto Calum's face at Luke's statement.

"I hope not," he responded, finally looking up from his hands and looked Luke straight in the eye. Luke's heart began to race as Calum cupped his cheek. "Because then I couldn't do this."

Luke's heart was beating so fast he could swear it had cracked a rib. Calum's kiss was gentle, much gentler than any kiss they'd shared before. He was almost unsure of himself. But Luke could feel every ounce of emotion Calum was trying to communicate. He'd never felt as appreciated as he did in that moment.

When they broke apart, they stared at each other breathlessly. Both of their faces were flushed red.

"Thank you," Calum whispered. "For everything. I don't know where I'd be without you."