Arms||Cake AU||

Chapter 44

Calum could see that everyone around him were getting better. Luke and his Dad were spending more time together, doing things that Luke enjoyed. Michael's grades were up as he was going to every class. Calum barely saw him because he was spending his evenings revising. He didn't mind though; the smile on his best friend's face when he got an A on a Maths test was worth every lonely minute.

Calum would have been happy for them, if he hadn't felt like he was  slowly spiralling downwards. Despite his regular counselling sessions, his anger was more prominent than ever. He even directed it towards his parents, who were only trying to help.

The time he spent alone gave his mind a distraction free opportunity to remind him about everything he's done wrong. Images of Carmen and Jake unconscious floated through his brain, accompanied by Mali's taunts. They fractured his sleep, crept into his school day and even the precious time he spent with Luke.

Calum wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was scared.

He became so preoccupied with himself, so trapped inside his own head, that he didn't realise that the anniversary of Carmen's death was drawing closer, until it was too late.

Mali marched into his bedroom on the morning of November 12th, with a deranged look in her tear filled eyes. Calum, still half asleep, didn't have time to register what was going on before she started laughing hysterically. The sound made the hair on Calum's arm stand on end.

"Look at you, sleeping soundly like nothing's wrong," she spat, almost cutting into his body with dagger like glares. "I tossed and turned all fucking night while you, her murderer, slept peacefully!"

"Get out," Calum said quietly, struggling to keep his voice level. Anger was bubbling in his veins. He couldn't lose control with Mali, she'd never forgive him. He'd never forgive himself.
"Get out of my room Mali. I'm warning you."

"Ha. What are you going do Cal? You gonna kill me too?" Calum's thin veil of sympathy for Mali snapped at the use of his nickname. That was Luke and Carmen's name for him. No one else.

Shaking with anger, he climbed out of bed and made his way over to where Mali stood, without saying a word. He towered over her when they stood face to face.

"I told you to get out," Calum snarled. "Go on, leave. Go mourn Carmen without starting a fucking fight. She wouldn't have wanted that."

"We don't know what she would want Calum, because she's dead! And it's your fault. Her death is on your hands!"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE MALI, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Mali stumbled backwards after her brother's sudden outburst. He was glaring at her, barely hiding the turmoil in his eyes. "I was thirteen!"

"Carmen was six! You could have easily pushed her, you were much bigger and stronger th-"

"Why the fuck would I want to push her off of her bike?!" Calum interrupted, taking a step closer to his sister. "You know that I adored Carmen. We both did. You're not the only one in this house that misses her!"

"IF YOU'D BEEN MORE RESPONSIBLE WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO MISS HER! SHE'D BE HERE!"

Calum's heart sank. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he couldn't let Mali see that. He couldn't be so vulnerable in front of her. Deep down, he knew she was right. It was his irresponsibility that lead to Carmen's fall.

"Cat got your tongue?" Mali taunted, with a smug smirk plastered across her face. "Have you finally realised that you are a murderer?

"I'm not," Calum growled, clenching his fist by his side. "She fell Mali! When are you going to get through your thick skull?"

SMACK!

Calum brought his hand up to his stinging cheek, while Mali recoiled her hand. He glared at her, clenching his fist by his side.

"Get out." Calum warned. "I mean it this time Mali. Get out of my room!"

When Mali didn't move, Calum shoved her towards the door. She couldn't fight against him, though she tried. He pushed out into the hallway so roughly she fell to the ground and slammed the door before she could get to her feet again. He leaned against the closed door, breathing heavily while his heart pounded in his chest, before he slid to the floor and buried his head in his hands.
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Calum didn't know why he thought it was a good idea to venture downstairs so soon after he and Mali fought. Perhaps it was the smell of bacon wafting under his doorframe, or the heavy guilty feeling of shutting himself away from his parents on a day like that.

While his parents were glad to see him, Mali was less than impressed.

"You've got some nerve," she spat, looking up from spreading her toast. "I'd be too scared to show my face on the anniversary of the day I killed my sister."

"I thought I made it clear Mali," Joy said sharply from the other side of the table, "that you would leave your brother alone today. The last thing he needs, today of all days, is you constantly nipping at him."

"Oh so this is my fault is it? He's the reason you're youngest daughter is dead but I'm the bad guy!"

"Oh grow up Mali," Calum responded. " You're 22 years old and you sound like a child!"

"I'm not going to be called childish by the boy who's spent the past 4 years hiding in his room because he can't handle his guilt."

"ENOUGH!" Joy got to her feet and glared at both of her children. "Today is supposed to be about remembering Carmen and I will not let you two ruin it by continuing this silly argument! Either you two agree to get along or you'll get left behind."

"I'm not going anywhere with that psychopath," Mali muttered. "He's a danger to others."

Calum stared at his feet, tapping his clenched fist against his leg. His teeth ground together as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. He felt sick.

"Because you provoke him Mali! If you let your brother grieve in peace, he wouldn't feel the need to lash out."

His heart race increased. Images of Carmen's death flashed across his brain, snippets of dialogue blending with the current conversation. Every word echoed. It was like he was trapped in a goldfish bowl with no air.

"So you're defending him now? The boy is crazy! He knocked his classmate unconscious, literally shoved me to the ground and killed his little sister-"

"SHUT UP!" Calum yelled, slamming his fist into the kitchen table. "Both of you, just shut up! You don't know what you're taking about. I wish I'd never come downstairs."

"I wish you'd never been born." Both of their parents jaws feel open at Mali's statement. Calum glanced at his sister with tear filled eyes, before turning on his heel and leaving, slamming the front door behind him.