Reflection of Fire

Part II Chapter 6

While Rey walked back to Master Skywalker's estate, she couldn't help but go back over what Kylo Ren had said. And what he'd revealed. Was he telling the truth about his circumstances? Had Luke caused him to be exiled from his family? That was unacceptable. And what about her own family? Was he right about that, too?

It was starting to rain when she got back and she barely made it inside soon enough to avoid being soaked. No one was around, as far as she could tell, so she headed to her room, deep in thought. From under her pillow she retrieved the old envelope that had been left with her on Jakku's doorstep. Her fingers traced over the familiar lettering stating her name. Biting her lip, she stared at it.

No one had told her to keep from opening it. It didn't contain any secrets. So why had she left it sealed all these years? She knew why. Because she was so afraid it was the last thing she'd ever read from her parents. That, once she opened this, there would be nothing to wait for, nothing to cling to. And she had needed something to cling to very badly while she was at Jakku.

But she wasn't there now. So why would she give in to a temptation she had resisted for years? Was it because she had tasted happiness at Master Dameron's house and now felt desperately unhappy? Because that was foolish. Soon enough, they would return. And then she might regret opening this.

Then again, if she was somewhere she could be happy, should she keep holding onto her past like this? Shouldn't she find out what they had to say and let it go? Let it die, as Ben would say. She stilled. How could she think of him as Ben? After he'd thrown away everything she had ever wanted to become Kylo Ren.

But maybe not thrown away. Rubbing her face with her hands, she suppressed that line of thinking. What he thought didn't matter. What happened to him didn't matter. What mattered was this – had she lost faith in her parents' return? Would she finally open this last reminder of them, just because she was so lonely here?

She got up to pace for a while, but then she surrendered to her desire. If they were returning, then this wouldn't be the last thing from them. And if they weren't... well, then it was probably better to know what they had left for her. She was tired of not knowing, of debating, of fretting about their return. Of always being available for them. She should open it, regardless of what her parents might be doing or not doing.

Still, her hands were hesitant to tear the old paper and she did it very carefully. She couldn't stop from shaking as she pulled out the message inside to read.

Please care for our daughter, Rey.

She stared, unable to comprehend the letdown of such a tiny note. That was it? That was all they had to say? How could that be?

Without another thought, she stood up and ran from the room, dropping it on the floor in her haste. Her feet carried her out the front door, neglecting her cloak on the wall beside it. The rain soaked through her clothes within minutes but she paid it no attention as she continued to run, not caring where she was going, only what she was fleeing.

Somehow, she found herself inside the shelter that she had discovered on her first walk beyond the grounds. Sinking onto one of the benches, she put her face in her hands, and cried.

Eventually, her shivering forced her to focus on something besides her despair, and she sat up, wrapping her arms around herself. There was a sound outside and she waited with bated breath. It was hardly a surprise when Ben Solo appeared in the doorway, holding a sputtering torch. What was surprising was the feeling of relief that surged through her. Without a word, he lit the fire pit in the shelter and then hesitantly sat down a little further down the bench from her.

"I opened my parents' letter. The only thing they left me," she told him abruptly.

He looked at her, his expression gentle in a way that would have infuriated her days earlier, and silently held out his cloak.

Gratefully, she accepted it and wrapped it around her shoulders, cheeks flushing at the realization that its warmth must be from his residual body heat. Her shivers subsided and she forced herself to continue. "It was... just a note for someone to take care of me. Anyone, really," she added bitterly. Taking a deep breath that struggled to keep from coming out a sob, she stared into the fire. "I thought... I thought I'd find answers. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone."

"You're not alone," he offered quietly, and she looked up to meet his gaze, surprised by the sentiment and by the expression on his face. No one, as far as she could recall, had ever looked at her with such... concern before. Compassion, maybe. Like her pain meant a great deal to him. He swallowed, searching her face for some indication of her reaction to his offer.

"Neither are you," she told him, and his eyes widened slightly. "It isn't too late." His family had driven him away, hadn't they? He had been abandoned as much as she had. And, if she couldn't rectify her situation, maybe she could his.

At her statement, he trembled, startled and no doubt wondering what she meant. Slowly, uncertainly, she lifted her hand. His brow furrowed slightly and he broke her gaze to follow the movement. His eyelid twitched as he looked back up at her, and she held her hand out toward him. Maintaining eye contact, he pulled off his glove and tentatively reached for her.

His fingers brushed against hers and she inhaled sharply, heart pounding at the way he looked at her, at the feeling of him touching her. At the thought that he wouldn't ever leave her alone the way everyone else had. He knew what it was like, and what it could do to a person, didn't he? She ached for him and for herself and dared to hope that maybe neither of them would have to be alone again.

"Stop!" a voice bellowed, and she turned to find Luke standing in the doorway, looking shocked and dismayed.

She dropped her hand and Ben got halfway to his feet before Luke grabbed her and pulled her out into the rain. She glanced back at Ben, who remained where he was, that fearful look back on his face before he disappeared from view.

They were nearly halfway to the house before her shock faded and turned into something else. Livid, she yanked her hand away. "Is it true? Did you start the fire?" she demanded, planting her feet.

"Leave my estate now," he snapped, releasing her as soon as she resisted.

She ran after him and got in his way. "Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren?"

He stalked around her and she chased him again.

"Tell me the truth," she implored when she blocked his path again.

Maybe it was her tone or his own guilt, but he looked at her miserably. "I went to see him that night. I found his ledger, recording the sale to our enemy. I thought... I burned his book. That's when he found me. I told him it would be better burnt down than in his hands, if he would sell it to Snoke. We fought and then the blaze was too much for us to stop. We escaped, but he wouldn't look at me again. I couldn't face his mother, or Poe. Not after what happened."

"Do they know?" she asked coldly.

"No."

Turning away from him, she headed back toward the house. "I'm taking Beatrice and we are leaving this place. You can wallow in your guilt forever, but perhaps you should consider clearing your nephew's name instead," she snarled over her shoulder.

He didn't respond and she didn't look back. B.B. shouldn't stay here, with a man who lied about the death of her mother. Who went on lying even as it ruined his nephew's life. She would take B.B. to London – surely Mr. Bacca knew where Master Dameron and Finn were staying? They deserved to know the truth. And Ben deserved to come with her and reclaim his family. She would vouch for him, and it would turn out alright.