Trey has left Chicago for Houston in hopes of starting over and finding himself. Does this move give Trey the happiness he desires or does his past ensure that he will never find the love he needs. (ManxMan story)
It's crazy how one moment I'm so happy and optimistic about life, then within the blink of an eye I just want to barricade myself in a dark room. Yesterday, at my boy Dave's job I felt confident, hopeful, and a little playful. Today, I can feel the benefits of living, but I don't know if I'm up for the burden of getting through the day. My room feels cool and I can hear the neighborhood coming to life. I'm lying in my bed just looking at the ceiling. I can't tell if it's been 15 minutes or 2 hours. Time feels so slow and I can feel his presence in the house.
It's been two years and we are still doing this dance of not holding on but not letting go. I don't smell his cologne so maybe I will get the time and space to reset this day. I need to have a good day without him. The problem is after all this time I haven't been able to let him go. When I close my eyes I remember the night, how no words were spoken but we both knew just what to do.
I open my eyes because I can't continue to get lost in him. This thing we aren't doing is not healthy. But at this moment all I want to do is find the energy to get out of this bed. I start to listen to my breath and start to tell myself over and over that I can do this.
"I can do this."
"I can do this."
"I can do this."
"I can do this!"
"I can do this!"
I finally find the energy to sit up and I look around the room. This room always looks different during the day. It seems less like a prison and more like the place that was so full of love when we bought it. My husband and I were newlyweds when we bought this home. I remember when we first saw it he was so happy and I was not. I was happy about us finding our forever home, I just couldn't see us in this house. He kept telling me about the potential.
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"Baby don't you see the potential? It only needs a little work."
"Cory the house is lime green or maybe its mold, I'm not sure." I said not understanding how he saw any potential in it.
"But all we have to do is paint it and it will be perfect."
"And what kind of crack are you smoking? There is fungi growing on the side of the house. I have never seen that on HGTV."
Cory moved close to me and grabbed my hand. "Baby, can you please have an open mind?"
Cory was perfect. Literally everything about him was perfect. I loved his messy hair and his smile. Man, his smile was brighter than the sun. Cory was kind and thoughtful and loving and smart. He was one of those people who knew all the answers on Jeopardy.
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