The Only Reason

Chapter 1

Jade's pov

I grab the food I know I'm not even going to eat, and sit down in the corner of the room. I watch as the so called bad boys sit down at a table not that far from me. Their 'gang' consists of Luke Hemmings, Michael Clifford, Calum Hood and some other dudes who are never in school. And of course all the obsessive girls that runs after them wherever they go. I myself, would never do that. First off, I don't want to sleep with them and be ditched directly after. Second, even if I wanted to, they wouldn't sleep with me 'cause well, I'm... me.

When the bell finally rings everyone stands up and starts heading toward their next class. I threw the food on my plate away and turned around, only to get hot soup all over my hoodie.

"Fuck!" I say as it burns.

I look up and see Luke and his gang laughing.

"That wasn't meant to happen... but I'm glad it did" the devil himself says and laughs as he walks away. I'm almost alone in the cafeteria when I notice Calum is still here.

"I'm sorry about them. Here, I got you some paper" he said and handed me a little piece of paper to wipe of the entire bowl of soup on my hoodie.

"Thanks, I guess"

"I have an extra shirt in my locker, you can borrow it" he says and smiles at me. I smile back at him, surprised he even cares.

"Wait, a t-shirt? As in no long sleeves or anything?" I ask. He nods, still smiling.

"Thanks but I'll just go home" I give him a reassuring smile and start walking away.

"Why? It's okay with me, you don't have to be embarrassed or something for wearing my shirt." He said a little confused.

"No I just don't.. never mind" I say and try to walk away once more.

"Please, I don't want you to miss school just because you don't want to borrow my shirt"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it" I say and can finally walk away.

When I get home, I drag up my sleeves to reveal the reason I didn't want to borrow his shirt. I look at my wrists, full of scars, and feel numb. Thats what I feel most of the time. Numb.

Tuesday

Math is always fun. Especially at 8 am in the morning and you haven't slept all night. Note my sarcasm. Of course it didn't get any better because I was seated next to the one and only, Luke Hemmings. Calum's behind me with some annoying cheerleader and Michael's in front of me. I'm literally surrounded by idiots. Great!

Ms Gomez, my math teacher makes sure everyone is in their assigned seats and starts talking.

"Now that we have new seats, I want you to get to know each other a little better. So, you're going to do a group project with the person next to you and it has to be done next week on Friday.." she keeps telling us what the project is about, something with geometry, i honestly didn't listen. All I could think of is that I'm stuck with Luke. It just can't get any worse now.

"Excuse me, Ms Gomez. I'd like to switch partners. " I hear chuckles around the room and feel my cheeks turn red.

"That's not possible" she answers.

"But she's disgusting!" Luke complains and I feel my heart drop as everyone laughs. I don't look up from the ground and run out of there. I don't wanna look any of them in their eyes as they humiliate me.

I check the girls bathroom to see it was empty. I look in the mirror and only see flaws. I'm ugly, I'm annoying, I'm disgusting and most of all, I'm not good enough. And I never will be.

"Hey are you okay?" a soft voice says.

I meet Calum's beautiful eyes.

"What are you doing in here? It's the girls bathroom" I avoid the question.

"Well you're the only one in here and I had to check if you were okay" he takes a step closer.

"You didn't have to" I look down at my shaking fingers. I don't wanna have a panic attack in school.

"I wanted to." He takes another step closer and watches me carefully.

"You didn't answer my question" he says.

"I-" I couldn't talk as my heart started beating faster and my knees got weaker.

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me. I hesitate at first, but then hug him back. My body relaxes and I feel my breath getting steady again. His hug was warm and probably the best hug I had ever gotten.

"Thank you" I say so quiet that I could barely hear myself.

"No problem." He lets go of me but keeps his arms on my arms and stares right into my soul.

"Will you be alright?"

I just nod in response. He smiles and then walks away. I stand there a little shocked. That has never happened to me before. And the sad part is that it will never happen again. My thoughts of ending it all never stops and the endless feeling of being alone is just too much.

I make it through the day and come home to an empty house, like always. Mom and dad are always working and my brother's always hanging out with friends.

Im sitting in the living room. Thinking of how I'll never make it. I'll just go through everyday believing I'm gonna get better, but I never will. I'm all alone. No one comforts me at 4 am when I can't stop crying. No one wants to be with me. Everyone will have a better time knowing they don't have to worry about me.

"Some friends are coming over so get over yourself and go to your room" my brother, Jake, says.

He can see I'm hurting, but he doesn't care.

I take that as my cue to leave, forever.

I sit on the floor, leaning against my bed, and put the razor blade against my skin. It only goes deeper with every cut, until my vision gets blurry and I fade away....

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Enjoy the first chapters of my new Calum fanfic:))

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