i'm not bitter towards my friends for needing support.
i hope i didn't appear that way.
i'll gladly support a friend,
any friend.
i just wish that sometimes i hadn't been so broken in this life
that i could trust someone enough to open up to them,
so that i wasn't sitting and crying alone at 12:24 AM.
i wish i didn't bottle up my feelings until they consume me.
i wish i could speak for myself for once,
instead of just silently going along with what happens.
i'm tired of being a background character in my own life.
but i don't want to be a burden.
i don't want to be a problem.
i have been taught in my life that to tell someone your problems
is to burden them.
i won't do that to other people.
so i am caught in this internal war.
on one side,
i'm desperate for a friend and maybe someday,
recovery.
but on the other side,
i have lived my whole life on this side,
the side of immobility in my relationships with others.
i wish i could pick a side,
and not be caught in the middle anymore.
