A letter;
Hey, you.
I wish we could figure out what is happening, your words burn worse than the burning spaghetti water that once dripped down my front. I'd feel that burn 1,000 times if only you'd tell me what's going on.
You don't know if you love me after nearly two years of it, two years of telling me that I was your world, that I was the stars, the moon, the cosmos. But now suddenly the Earth has replaced me, Orion's constellations mock me from above and the moon flips me off.
and I don't know why. I don't know what changed and you don't either, but you want something. You want something from me and but you can't tell me what it is, and even though I might appear magical, I don't know how to read minds.
And now we're on the edge of a ravine, one that you can climb out of, but I don't know if I'm able too, my bones too weak after being gnawed on for years by the beasts known as mental illness. And what's worse is that at times, you could tame those beasts, pull them away from my bones so I could stand on my own for once. But then the beast would come back, snapping and snarling with a vengeance.
I don't know how to tame my own beasts, but I knew I would have to by next summer, as then we're both leaving. But I knew I would leave some beasts behind. But this is unexpected and the beasts are more cruel than ever and part of me wonders if soon they're going to consume me entirely and I will cease to be.
I think I am too dependent on you, but I've been taught that everyone leaves eventually so I want to hold on to the ones that matter while I still can, while I still have hands to hold with, while I can still smile.
We kissed recently and you broke me with every little press of your lips on my body. I am surprised the glass shards of my broken soul didn't cut your lips or your arms as you held me. What a terrible thing to do; hold me. I was hyperventilating; breathing but unable to breathe. Because how was I supposed to hold onto your gentle love when moments later you told me that you didn't know if you could be with me anymore.
It is a cold world and you used to be so warm. I was always so cold, needing you to hug me so I wasn't shivering in class. Let's hope the temperature changes this year, since I no longer have warmth.
Sincerely,
me
