i am afraid of the future,
deathly afraid.
while everyone else decided what they wanted to be in middle school,
i decided whether or not i'd leave my poetry to my friends,
or if it would die with me.
when i was young,
i never imagined growing up.
i always knew it was only a matter of time before everything became too much,
and i became too little and disappeared.
but i am still here.
broken fragments of me hang on to the threads of life,
the sharp edges cutting the threads as i desperately try to hang on.
but i am still here.
and that is the problem.
i never expected this and the future looms ahead of me.
i didn't plan on reaching 16,
much less 18,
20,
beyond.
how am i supposed to act now,
knowing that my expiration date has grown tenfold?
everything in me tells me to run.
to disappear.
it's so tempting.
just to make everything bad go away.
the many options on how to disappear are so tempting.
the devil whispers how to disappear forever into my ears,
a sweet melody i know by heart by now.
i don't want to die,
but the terrible thing is
dying is the only thing i know.
