Lied on the forms.
Yes, I know which how I'd go.
Which structural beams in the house would support me more than these organizations seem to.
Circled 'no'. Regardless.
CTRL, ALT, DELETE.
Fluent in English but can't seem to express myself in the correct manner.
Can't seem to cry.
Can't seem to shout.
Can't seem to scream.
Can't seem to act out a dialogue, the dialogue that society expects of me.
Not much of an actor.
Certainly no Shakespeare.
Fills out the rest of the forms...
The irony of ratings how low I feel with the high numbers on the end of the scale.
What keeps you from acting on your thoughts? Asks the form.
My family I reply.
Keeping me alive is killing them though.
I realise this, have a panic attack on the bathroom floor.
"Alex one of us is going to have a heart attack!"
I'm sorry Ma.
Words said in anger but words I cannot forget none the less.
Where do I write on the forms that I don't trust myself?
Where do I write my apology?
Is there a box for my will?
Where do I write that I'd kill for a cuddle?
Where do I write that I want to feel worthy?
Where do I write that I don't want to die?
Form filling is a confusing exercise.
-XR
YOU ARE READING
Moments of gladness, moments of sadness & everything in-between.
PoetryI'm an 18 year old boy with Cerebral Palsy, depression and anxiety. I'm a British Hipster Punk Fuck who has dreams of happiness and independence. Living with my difficulties can be saddening and difficult so to cope I draw (follow my Instagram: ale...
