Embracing Sin

2

Darkness has eaten me whole but dark thoughts never leave my mind. I lay in bed at a place I've called home couple days out of the year but it gave no comfort this time around.
A small light reflected off my walls as if the light of the moon seems to brighten up the abyss of nothingness.
The cool breeze flew in my open window as the familiar sounds of laughter and music followed in the wind. Mia famiglia (My Family)
Their laughter and singing songs of old Italy fill my Mother's  court yard.
But My eyes focused on the ceiling, lost in my mind as my thoughts ran thousand miles an hour.
Mia Madre quietly walks in making soft sound of clicking clack feminine footsteps.
I turn to face my mother as soft smile appears on her face, the moon light enchants her soft cherub face.
A smile that can lighten up a any man with darkness in his soul.
I know that's why my padre married her, Mio padre used to say, 'Her smile makes all my sins fade away,' with his broken English.

I was born of sin and raised in Italy up until I was a teenager when Mío zio brain washed my father to sent me to America.
My uncle a charming manipulating con man didn't have a family of his own and no heir to his fortune and I was only youngest person in our life who can help run his kingdom.

Mio padre was always a naively humble man believed he's brother was a saint.
Little did he know how wrong he was.
"non possiamo avere una vita perfetta senza amici"

'We can't have a perfect life without friends,' were the words that came out of my mother's mouth as she stood in my room.

I nodded with understanding and went downstairs. Italians love gatherings and food but I always felt like an outcast.
I knew it because I was kept hostage for years to man who kept me away from my real family. But I kept running back to him Blame it on Stockholm's syndrome.

I never spent time with famiglia or friends unless I was at the place I called home.
Growing up Mio zio spent most of his time with girls in his lap and blow in his nose.
So I grew focus on working out, studying with private tutors, learning combat fighting but mostly I wasted most of my nights learning how run his business.
It was lonely.
Loneliness ate me whole thousand times but I knew being alone was best in this life.
I lead a lonely life but I didn't have much of choice. He took everything from me without explanation and he didn't care who or why..
Mio povera madre begged mio zio to bring me home but he wouldn't budge.
My mother knew I went from her innocent figlio to a man with darkness behind his eyes.

I ran to Italy and my mother's arms about three to four times a year but it wasn't enough to fill empty hole in my heart.
I'm a mama's boy like most Italian men.
In mia madre eyes I can never do no harm.
Little did she know that her innocent figlio was carrying more sin than most men.
This was my last night Italy before the flight back to Texas.               

                     ••••translation••••
these words will pop out later                                        
MIo Zio = my uncle.     
Famiglia= Family
Mia povero madre= my poor mother
figlio= son