Antisocial [h.s]

[seven]

I yawned and rubbed my eyes, sitting up from where I had previously laid. I allowed my eyes adjust before I flipped total shit. I am still in fucking Harry and Liam's room and Liam isn't even in here so it's just Harry and I and he's asleep in the other bed and FUCK!

I scrambled to get up, my heart continuing its irregular, tedious racing. I put my hair into a pony tail, my bangs falling and framing my face as I pulled on my shoes and collected myself.

I saw Harry stirring and just as I was about to grab my board the door swung open and I saw Liam with a blonde lad behind him. Well shit.

"Hey Blake, what are you doing here?" Liam asked and then he looked at Harry. "Why is Harry sleeping in my bed and weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday?"

I couldn't really muster any words as Harry woke up and rubbed his eyes before taking in the scene in front of him. "Morning to you all," okay his voice in the morning is even slower, raspier, thicker and deeper and I could listen to it endlessly.

"Harry, what happened?" Liam asked and I noticed he seemed slightly angered and all I could think was fuck.

"Blake came over last night at like 8 or something and we just hungout till she passed out at like 1. I didn't want her waking up with me next to her so I slept in your bed. Nothing happened that you should be concerned about, Liam," Harry explained and his voice still hadn't changed and I was sure to have a heart attack.

Liam rose his eyebrows at me for confirmation and I wasn't really sure what to do so I nodded and his features softened and his arm wrapped around my shoulder, he kissed my temple and spoke. "Good afternoon, babe."

"Afternoon?"

"It's two. Blake, this is my friend Niall, Niall this is my cousin Blake," Liam introduced us and I gave a small nod in acknowledgement.

"Well I'm going to head back to my room," I said awkwardly as I felt trapped in the room of three males, picking up my board.

"God knows you're not gonna leave it till Monday," I glared at Liam jokingly and he ruffled my hair. "Call me later."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, fixing my hair as best as I could before leaving with my backpack resting on my back.

~-~

"Lizzie? Can I come in?" I knocked on her door with my little knuckles but silence was my only answer.

She's probably sleeping...

I reached for the knob anyway and turned it, my nightmare having me still shook up and in need for the sisterly late night chat.

I pushed the door open and walked in, shutting the door which meant darkness. I walked over to where I knew the lamp would be and switched on the light, taking in the scene in front of me.

Horrified, I couldn't stop the shrill screaming coming from my 5 year old self's mouth.

I choked on air violently but was grateful my nightmare had ended. I was clutching my chest as if somehow it could calm my heart.

I snatched my phone from my bedside table and quickly called Auntie Karen. Two rings later she answered and I turned into a blubbering, sobbing mess.

"Baby, shh, calm down. It's alright, Blake, are the nightmares back again, hon?" Her voice was laced with the concern that I've been so grateful for.

"Mhmm," I hummed before an involuntary sob escaped which was followed by more and she just spoke with her common but comforting words.

After maybe 15 minutes of my meltdown, the sobbing had calmed and I was controlling my breathing whilst explaining the situation.

"It was the Elizabeth dream, when I found her." A hiccup erupted before I spoke again. "It's been 14 damn years and the nightmares still come. Why aren't they gone?!" I began sobbing again and I stood up to stand in front of a wall before repeatedly bumping my head with it, trying to dull the ache in my heart with possible ache in my head without pounding it through the drywall.

"Honey, stop, please," her voice cracked and I did as told and just rested my head against it. "Tell Liam to give you a hug for me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, I will. I love you," I spoke hoarsely, my voice cracking twice. "I-I'm gonna go, thanks."

"I love you as well, sweetie, bye."

I ended the call and tossed my phone blindly onto my bed, trying to only focus on the cool touch of the wall against my hairline.

I don't want this life, I don't want these nightmares, I don't want this fucking heart and the problems it has caused me.

DAMMIT!

My anger replaced my sadness and I got changed as fast as I could before leaving the room to go to the one place where I knew I could release it.

~-~

"Oi! Gloves! You're bleeding all over the bag," Felix commanded, tossing me a pair which I didn't hesitate to put on just so I didn't need to argue and I could continue my assault.

"Blake, you look like you're attempting murder. What's bothering you?"

I ignored his questioning and furiously kicked the bag until it collapsed onto the floor and my emotions changed. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to-fuck!"

"Hey, it's alright, it happens, not usually with women but we can fix it. Just tell me what's up and then you're forgiven," he chuckled as I sat down on the mat, dropping my head between my knees.

"I just had a nightmare, it was of something that happened a long time ago but I get the memories constantly coming back and it just fucks me up and I fucking hate it because it's all bullshit that won't leave my damn head and therapy is shit and people are supposed to be over it by now and just god dammit!" I pulled at my hair, my frustration growing. "It just pisses me off. And fighting usually gets them to go away for a little bit so I don't need to take medication but it didn't work this time and I don't know why. It might be because I've moved to a new place but it just-ugh!"

The way I'm able to talk to him surprises me but doesn't extinguish the angry flame building up inside me.

"Hey, it's going to be okay for you. You just need to adjust here," he said and my breathing began to even and I pathetically started to cry.

"I-I'm gonna have a shower and then go. Thanks and sorry again for getting blood on the bag and then making it fall," I took a deep breath and stood up, removing the gloves and returning them to Felix.

"I'll see you later then."