I listened to my unanswered call as Tia's phone continued to ring. Was I calling too late? I was busy cleaning the house that I didn't hear my phone rang. Rima's flight back is tomorrow. I don't know what to expect yet from her but I know I still need more time for myself. She is free to visit anytime though, considering that we remained friends.
Her birthday is also in a month and I haven't gotten her a gift yet. Hmm? What shall I give her? What does she like? Then it hit me. Hard. I don't know what she likes. In the years we were together, what I like comes first. I know her favorite color though. It was blue. Aside from that, nothing. I was staring at my side lamp for minutes trying to remember if there was a day when she was extremely happy. What made her that happy? I came up with nothing. If I gave her an album, would it only make her sad? She may see how happy we were before; when we eat out, when we travel, the fun times. We were seldom tested by trials. We were mostly happy. Until everything crumbles down. Until every foundation burns to the ground. It is my fault. She made me her girl. I am the fucked up one. She was just perfect and I was the moss that she watered every day. She let me be with her flowers until I ruined her blooming garden.
I brought the flowers I bought and put them all in a vase. "I am your most wrecked kid, Pop. I ended my second relationship and I don't even feel any remorse about it. I don't even feel human. My first has broken me to bits, and now, I am the one breaking her to pieces." I said as I lit a candle.
"I am sorry that I seldom visit. You know how much I love you, right? I just hope, someday, there will no longer be pain. That I wouldn't feel hurt anymore. That I won't hurt anybody with my actions and my feelings. I just hope to be happy and have everyone else around me happy too. Is it too much to ask? I often wonder Pop, is it really me, who is the problem?" I squeaked, reaching for the tissues in my bag to wipe my snot. "Do you still remember how we both loved the beach? We would always walk hand in hand on the shore, taking in the view, enjoying the sun and breathing in the fresh ocean breeze. We were happy, we were content. You would always laugh at little things I would do. You would always smile at how fluent I am in sarcasm at my young age. I remember how you would be so friendly, you love celebrating almost about anything. You love to cook a lot of foods. Maybe that is where I got my love for cooking too." I smiled having the flashbacks. "I wonder why I don't remember being sad. All I can remember were the good times. But we both know, it is not always 'good times', why can't I remember the bad times?" my brows furrowed as I try to think of the memories, the dreams, the nightmares I had, the hardships, the problems that brought us down even before we had Dad.
"I wouldn't want to suggest it Pop, but maybe, if you take me far away, would everything work out fine for these people?" I bent down, kissing his tombstone goodbye. Before I left, I read the engraved message on it, "The party has just begun." and I realized, this is far from over.
I revved the engine one last time before I kicked the side stand and pulled the key from Toni's motorcycle. Removing the helmet, I flipped my hair to gain back its body. Good thing that Toni asked me yesterday if she could park her motorcycle in the garage for a week. Seems their garage is full packed because of their visitors. She even gave me the permission to use it if need be. With the right timing, just like today, I woke up late and I needed to be at the University before Tia gets to her next class.
With the helmet tucked under one arm and the documents on the other, I walked my way to her room, praying that I don't smell like sunshine.
Seeing Tia, I waved to get her attention. She was looking at me as if she was trying to remember who I am. Then recognition dawning on her, she was laughing when she approached me.
"I thought you were one of the students or a gorgeous tomboy visiting us!" She continued heartily.
"Well, you were right with the latter. I am gorgeous love, you need not mention it." I giggled before asking for the main reason why I am here. "So, shall you accompany me to the Registrar's office, my lady?" I offered my hand with the documents.
