lucidity | shyland ✓

fourteen

chapter fourteen
an: sorry there's a lot of dialogue in this but i hope it's okay :) let me know

god knows how many more times i would walk around school like this. head ducked, drowning in a black sweater i'd found in a thrift shop that looked exactly like one shane had. my eyes were decorated with dark circles, pupils still slightly dilated. a mental high, my laptop had said when i woke up with a jolt this morning. when your brain is so convinced you're getting high that you actually do.

enlarged pupils weren't the only thing i woke up with this morning; my jeans were tight, zipper straining around my hips. never did i think that i would spend a monday morning jerking off with my head against the wall, eyes closed, replaying what had happened with shane through my mind over and over.

let's just say that hasn't happened before.

walking through the halls, people smiled at me, waved or continued to grab things out of their lockers. yet the only thing i could see was shane hovering above me, sweaty and naked. i sighed, rubbing my eyes with my my knuckles before turning the corner into my english class.

the second i pushed open the door, loren waved excitedly and threw her arms around my neck. her lips soon pressed into mine and who was i thinking of? not her. i didn't think of the sweet perfume surrounding me, or the long blonde extensions that brushes against my arms. no, my mind was once again invaded by auburn hair tickling across my lips, the feeling of my wrists being pushed against the cold wood, the sensation of the pillow between my teeth. i pulled away, smiling weakly as i sat down in my seat next to her.

slowly, the teacher walked to the front and began typing on his laptop. the ageing man who had taught me for so many years gave me a knowing look of concern, but i diverted my gaze. loren's fingers were brushing against my arm, her paper white skin against my own tanned one. she joined our hands, kissing my cheek.

'i've missed you acting like this. like you love me.' she whispered. i smiled and flicked my eyes over to the other side of the classroom, where garrett was staring with confused eyes. he muttered something to drew, who shrugged. 'i love you so much, ryland.' she said quietly once more.

'i—' my voice began to stutter. i was rescued by the teacher calling attention from everyone, and i tried to hold in my breath of relief.

the middle aged man was wearing brown coloured chinos and a cream shirt, black hair flecked with grey and combed over to the side. 'okay, class, today we're changing things up a bit. we're going in partners, so please move to the seat i allocate you.' everyone groaned, me included, awaiting their name to be called.

my brain blocked out everything around me, waiting for my name to be called and for me to be stuck with loren. i knew that's what mr tucker would do; all teachers put me with her in the fear that they could lose their jobs by upsetting me. i sent a despairing glance at the teacher, almost begging with my eyes. i don't think he noticed. unfortunately, it didn't look like he saw.

name after name was called, until it was just garrett, drew, loren and i. mr tucker opened his mouth to speak, starting with loren's name. i caught his eye and shook my head subtly; he saw this time. 'loren and– uhh– garrett.' the man stuttered. the blonde girl let out an exasperated groan, and the tall boy muttered several profanities under his breath as they moved to sit next to each other. in all honesty this was worse than loren and i sitting together; the pair hated each other.

that left drew and i together. he gave me a big grin, which i returned and walked over to where garrett was once sat. 'hi ryland. how are you?' he asked quietly and pulled a notepad out of his bag, flicking open the cover. i glanced at his paper, a detailed sketch of garrett pencilled and shaded in.