lucidity | shyland ✓

eight

chapter eight

an: i'm sorry it's been so long! i've had a busy few days. make sure to check my snapchat for more on that (@stardustshyland) i'll get back to my regular update schedule from now on!

'i like it when you hold my hand.' shane whispered in my ear, thumb brushing against mine. i refrained from shivering as his hot breath cascaded along my skin, giving him a small smile. 'so, what d'you wanna do today?'

glancing out at the sky, i noticed the sun was setting, the sky a collage of pink and orange. it's confusing, jumping into a dream and having no idea where you are or what the time is. guilt washed over me as he smiled back; living this life with shane and not telling him that it was all a dream for me felt wrong, like i was tricking him. because surely, these dreams couldn't last forever, right? i wouldn't be dreaming of shane when i was sat in an old rocking chair as a grandfather, would i? what didn't make sense was where i went once i woke up; shane would've mentioned if i just vanished into thin air so clearly i remained.

'i'm not sure.' i said quietly in response, the knot in my stomach crawling into my chest as my head thumped with confusion.

he stopped walking in the empty street, turning with worried eyes to face mine. 'are you okay? you're really quiet today.' his auburn hair was messier than usual today, flopping in front of his eyes every few seconds, saved by his hand pushing it back each time it did so.

'just... stressed.' i mumbled, staring at our conjoined hands. he followed my gaze and squeezed my hand, a bright and mischievous grin appearing on his face.

'i have an idea.' he said, pulling me towards red hill park, where a huge hump of ground rose at least ten feet into the air. there was old cobbled stairs lining it, meaning you had to climb carefully to reach the top. no one ever did nowadays; the park was empty despite the weather being neutral and the skies becoming redder. with me behind him, we headed up the hill until we reached the top. shane threw himself down onto the grass and rummaged in his bag, pulling out a strange little paper box.

'listen, you've had your first drink with me, right?' he began, pulling off the wrapper as i sat beside him. i nodded and eyed him suspiciously. 'well, i think it's only right for you to have your first cigarette with me, right?' the cylindrical tube of paper and poison was being twiddled between his thumb and forefinger as he looked at me expectedly.

this is all just a dream, i reminded myself, looking into his blue-green orbs. 'sure.' i answered, shane edging closer to me. i'm not sure why, but my heart begun beating faster as he cupped the side of my face, using his free hand to place the cigarette in my mouth. he was making something platonic, that two strangers may do, into something so intimate and sexual.

his thumb brushed over my lower lip as he reached back into the box, bringing it a small blue lighter. flicking the side, he used his hands to shield the dancing flame, bringing it up to my cigarette and watching as the end turned orange. i followed what he instructed and inhaled, using my lungs as much as i could, and held the smoke in my mouth for a few seconds, before exhaling and letting out a huge cloud of grey and white. my two fingers held the white stick away as i continued to blow out poison, my heart still thumping from our closeness.

'fuck.' he whispered, staring at me with dark eyes. quickly, he coughed, giving me a smile and telling me what a natural i was. i blinked slowly as our hands brushed again, watching him take a drag himself and lean his head back, exhaling rings of smoke into the air. his hair was messy and pushed up into a quiff, and his outfit was so casual yet somehow perfect. a pale blue, oversized long sleeved top which had a bear on clung to his shoulders, and he wore simple black skinny jeans that hugged his curvaceous hipbones.

'relax.' he mumbled, and i realised we were a lot closer than i initially thought. for some reason, i has visibly stiffened. this whole situation was making me feel so anxious, and guilty. i felt as though i was tricking shane, because this was not real life and somehow he did not realise this. 'what's wrong?' he asked gently, putting his hand on top of mine.

'i– i can't do this.' i whispered, eyes staring nervously at him as he stubbed the cigarette out on the ground in worry. 'this... isn't real.'

shane almost laughed. 'what are you talking about, ry?' my heart jumped at the name but crashed down to earth when i realised that i needed to tell him. this couldn't go on any longer.

'this isn't real, this is just a dream, i need to wake up.' i rambled, my voice shaking and lower lip wobbling as i fought back tears.

he furrowed his eyebrows. 'what are you– what on earth are you talking about? this is real, ryland, this is real life!' his tone was laced with confusion as he turned his whole body in line with mine so we were staring directly at each other.

'no, no,' i answered, shaking my head. 'you don't understand. this isn't real, i'm dreaming, i can't do this.' he wasn't looking at me like i was ill, or demented, instead with concern and care.

'come here.' he ordered, gesturing to himself. i gave him a confused look. why wasn't he running off, or screaming in my face that i was crazy. if i was in his shoes, i would be half way down the street by now. but instead, he took matters into his own hands and pulled me towards him until i was sat on his crossed legs. i was shaking as moved my hands to fall upon his shoulders, watching as his lower lip caught on his teeth.

'tell me, ryland, does this feel real?' hewhispered, using his thumb to tilt my chin up and crashing his lips into mine.