Destiny | H.S.

Chapter 52

The week goes by surprisingly quick, even though I haven't been working. I thought it was going to be super boring and painful to just sit at home, but I ended up having so much to do in preparation for Harry's surprise party. I spent all of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday planning, sending out invitations, buying outfits and decorations, and picking out a gift for Harry as well.

I didn't really know what to get him, since we both have rings already, so I just got him a couple new shirts and a new cologne. I framed a picture of us as well, the one from Christmas, and got other pictures of us developed so he can switch it out while he's on tour. I wrote a long sentimental note to go with it, explaining how proud I am of him and how much I love him. I know it's cheesy, but I wanted to do something thoughtful as well, and although it's not much, I think he'll appreciate it. At least I hope he will.

Besides all that, Harry and I also spoke to a lawyer about the whole situation that I got myself into. After a very hard and long decision, we decided not to file a lawsuit against Cole. Harry was more for it than I was, but I didn't want to go through that whole tedious process, and I didn't want Harry to have to either. He's going on tour in two weeks, he shouldn't have to deal with all that.

He was supportive though, but did say that if Cole ever comes near me again that he'd "have it with him". We did meet in the middle, however, and instead filed for a restraining order. We still have to go to court next week, but it will be a lot less of a time consuming court hearing. It's less risky too, since we have solid evidence and reasons as to why I should be able to get a restraining order. Cole has been notified, and luckily hasn't tried to contact me. He's probably scared to, honestly. God, it's going to be so awkward to be at court with him.

I know I've handled this situation horribly, but can you blame me? I've said it once and I'll say it again- I loved this man at one point. Cole was the first person who ever loved me. I dated a bit in high school, but nothing ever serious. Cole was my first everything. He treated me right, too, for the majority of our relationship. Well, not horribly at least. We had our happy memories and moments, just like any other college relationship. He did have jealous habits and he was a bit protective over me, but it was nothing that ever made me consider breaking up with him.

That's part of the reason why I was so shocked that he cheated on me in the first place. When I found out, I was in my house that I rented with some of my college friends at the time, and a girl named Beth told me that she saw him with another girl at the library. I shrugged it off because I didn't want to start anything, and I honestly did trust him, but it turns out he had been fucking that girl for months. Dating her even, I don't know, and frankly, I don't care anymore.

I think I'm the same way with the whole "drugging" situation. I don't think I ever truly let go of that trust, and I don't think I ever really wanted too. Despite hating Cole with all my heart, he was still a part of my past. Even with Harry in my life, letting go of your past, and especially the people in your past, is still a damn hard thing to do. I was emotionally attached to Cole for so long, that a part of me just didn't want to believe that he'd ever harm me. I was wrong. And the same thing with Ryan - I didn't want to believe that a supposed friend of mine had betrayed me and planned to drug me, in hopes of doing god knows what afterwards. I blocked it out of memory, as a defense mechanism I believe.

I'm glad I've come to that conclusion, though, and I'm glad Harry's helped knock the sense into me. I truly don't know what I'd do without him. Even after me being a complete bitch and lashing out on him, he still manages to not just put up with me, but help me through hard situations like no one has before. And I think that's true love right there, if I'm being honest.

I sit alone in my apartment, looking at the time. 4:15. Harry said he'll be back from rehearsal around 4, so I decide to surprise him at his house. I don't have that much more to do as far as planning goes, so we're all good.