Worthless. - Sam Pottorff

chapter 14

I didnt say one word to Sam. I just went up to our room and laid there, thinking of all the good memories my mom and I had made.

Sam attempted to make me feel better, but it didn't work.

I just lost my mother. She just got back from all of those years where I grew up with only my dad, and now shes gone. But this time, she's gone forever.

My father is a monster. He abuses me and my mother, but this time he went too far.

He murdered her.

If they let him out of jail, he'll come after me next.

Thoughts like this rose up from my mind and soon I fell asleep.

-

*one week later*

I woke up and there Sam was with breakfast in bed for me.

I smiled at his cute gesture. Something I haven't been doing lately.

Sam sat next to me as I rested my head on his chest and he put his arms around me.

"You okay?" he said.

"Not really..." I said.

"Hey it's gonna get better. Don't worry babe. But I have to run to the store... I'll be back in a bit."

"Yeah sure."

Sam nodded and went down the stairs and a couple seconds later I heard the door close.

I turned on netflix and looked through what they had. I picked something random and ate my breakfast as I watched it.

When I finished it, I got up and took it downstairs to put in the sink. When I came back up, I noticed one of my blades, just sitting there on the dresser.

I picked it up and sat down. I know I promised Sam I would stop, but its just too hard. I cant do it anymore.

The blade was almost touching my skin. It was threatening me to slide it across my wrist, when I remembered Sam told me to call him if I ever wanted to cut or felt suicidal.

I slowly put the blade down with my shaky hand and picked up my phone.

I called Sam and it rung until it went to voicemail. Hmmm... thats odd?

I tried calling again, and it sent me to voicemail again.

Okay something isn't right here. I know Sam has a full battery because he charged it overnight, and he was only going to the store, which is 2 blocks away.

And, he was walking there so he should be able to answer.

Plus, Sam always picks up the phone for me. No matter what. Not once has he not answered.

Something isn't right. I put on my vans and walked out the door.

I started walking down the sidewalk. I got to the store a few minutes later and Sam was nowhere to be found.

And its a small store, so I would be able to find him, but, hes not here.

I started walking back when I noticed that little café I like. Might as well get some coffee while I'm here.

I paid the cashier and sat down at a table with my coffee, trying to think of where Sam might be.

I went on my phone to try calling Sam again.

*Ring... ring...ring...*

Suddenly I heard a ringtone. But not any ringtone, Sams ringtone.

Was he here?

I looked in the direction I heard it.

That's when I seen him. How could he do this to me? I thought he loved me? He was making out with some hoe which was also sitting on his lap.

I was about to run away and cry, but I didn't. I walked up to Sam and that hoe.

"Sam? How could you?" I said.

"Oh! Thalia! This-this isn't what it looks like."

"So you weren't just cheating on me with your tongue down some hoe's throat?"

"Okay... well, you were barely talking to me these past couple days and you were just sitting there like a blob. And I didn't wanna hurt you by breaking up with you, so I just did this."

"And you think this doesn't hurt me?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders.

"And you, you're that girl who always gives me dirty looks!" I said.

"And I'm also the one who sent you that text. Sam is mine bitch. He obviously doesn't care about you anymore."

This is what I get for counting on someone. I'm better off alone. Everyone just ends up leaving me anyways.

Now I have no one.

I ran home as fast as I could. I ran down that sidewalk like never before.

I reached the house and I opened the door and sprinted up the stairs. I sat at the table and began writing a goodbye letter.

"Sam, where do I begin? You were the reason I stayed around for as long as I did. When I was around you, I wasn't depressed. I didn't want to cut, or end it all. I was happy. I smiled around you, I laughed around you. You brought out the best in me. But now, all that is gone. You were my one sliver of hope to keep me alive, but you're gone now. I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better girlfriend for you to go cheat on me. I wish I could have been better for you. Because to me, you were everything that I could ever ask for in a boyfriend, or even in a best friend. When everyone picked on me, you didn't laugh, you stood up for me. When I talked, you actually listened. When I told you my problems, you helped me through them. I'm sorry I didn't do the same for you. You used to be the reason I put the blade down and pushed through it. Now, you're the reason I picked it up again. I'm not writing you this letter to tell you what you've done wrong. I'm writing it to tell you that I stayed because of you. You kept me here. I stayed as long as I did because I had you by my side. But I can see now that you have left, so I'm leaving. Goodbye Sam, I'll always love you. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough."

He said he'd always be there. But he left me alone with my thoughts. And they ate me alive.

I looked into the mirror. They were right. I am an ugly suicidal freak. No wonder Sam doesn't care anymore.

I'm used to everyone turning on me, but I thought Sam was different. I was wrong.

I grabbed my blade and pressed it against my skin. I slid it across as I tried to hold back my tears. Again and again I did this.

Until I realized it wasn't working. Well, now theres no reason at all to live anymore, so why not end it all?