our civil war

11.

They always said the later you stay up the worse the monsters get. If you go to be at nine you get a red rabbit, compared to going to bed at one you get a fanged bat that goes for the eyes. They used to tell Stories that would make you shiver. The kids there were horrible. But the adults were worse.

If they even here you pep from you past a certain time you were badly punished. It was no summer camp and no one wanted to be there. But since you were there you strive to be the best. You worked hard to show you could stay. If you don't prove you can win you die. Kill or be killed. That's how it works it in the red room.

"Perfection is real girls. We only need perfection." The instructor said. She watched as each girl Grand Jeté. She expected perfection, she saw that in the red head in the front.
"Ms. Romanova i must speak with you." The teacher walked the red head out of the room into another. She was handed a gun. The red head didn't speak, she knew better then to do that. She took the gun. "Shoot." She said. The girl looked up at the girl who had her hands tied behind her back and a blindfold on. She made a concerned face at the in structure. "Do it. Or face the consequences." The woman warned.

The little girl raised the gun and aimed it. Tears threatened to come out but she held them in. Tears are for the weak. The young girl could have sworn she heard the cries of the tide up blonde. Begs for her not to do. The red head push the thoughts aside and raised the gun. She lifted it put her hand on the leather. she watched the girl took and deep breath and then....

BANG

Natasha woke up in a cold sweat. it was already six am. Another dream, it was only the start of her childhood. The start of her horror. When she meet Steve she believed that her horror was gone. But now that he is gone she is lost in the dark once again.

Was it the pain? Was it the betrayal? Was it the lack of no trust? Something was gone from her life that hurt her life. Took away her brightness and left this empty feeling in her heart. It was like a part of her soul was brutally taken from her and could never be gone. It was a scar left on her heart that was taken by a stab in the back.

she stood up from her bed and into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror at her reflection. She was covered in sweat and was shaking. She leaned over the counter, elbows on the counter head in her hands and sighed.

"you look like you cold use a hug." A voice startled her making her stand up very fast ready to attack. But when she saw who it was she lost her breath. It was a tall broad blonde standing in her door way. It was her blonde. It was him. It was her Steve.

"Steve?" She asked chocking on her voice. She stood in disbelief. It wasn't her. It wasn't her friend there. It was her ex lover. It was the man who broke her heart. The man who still owned her heart.

"Hi.....You...you uh look gorgeous." he said, he immediately regretted his words. Maria had let him into her room, because the moment he landed he ran toward Maria asking... no begging for Maria to open the door. His words that he spoke were to forced. He didn't want to scare Natasha away. Not again. "I mean...you look good. i mean you are gorgeous but that's not what i meant to say." He said nervousness was evident in his voice. When she didn't respond Steve spoke once more. "are you okay? You are shaking. are you nervous around me?" He asked. He was sad because that was what he thought was happening. But that was before he had the chance to say something to her he saw her look. He knew that look. "Another nightmare?" He sighed. Still no answer. "Natasha, i know i hurt you, but please lets not talk about that right now. You are scared. I can see it. It was the look you used to give me when you woke in the middle of the night." He said. Natasha was still just staring at the blonde as if trying to register if he was really there. "Natasha please i just really really want to know if you are okay. i know you can't trust me anymore-" He was completely cut off when Natasha jumped into his arms. Steve quickly wrapped his arms around her waist lifting her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

The two stayed wrapped in each other arms just enjoyed the closeness of each other. For once in a long time they forgot about everything. The pain and back stabs were all gone. everything that had happened in the last few weeks was all washed away. All that they cared about was each other.

Natasha realized how much she missed him when they were in each others arms. She missed his smell, his over protective hold, and everything about him. She missed him. More then anything in her life.

Steve already knew how much he missed her. This hug was just a confirmation of how much he actually messed her. He couldn't let her go, he didn't want to let her go. He wasn't going to let her down.

She had her face in the crook of his neck trying to take in and remember as much of him as she could. She knew that this hug wouldn't last forever but she was going to make it last. It was all perfect until he heard his sweet voice. It made a shiver go up her spine.

"I missed you so much." He said, once he did he immediately regretted it. She pulled away from him as if remembering something and took a step away. She crossed her arms and shook her head. Steve could see that she was still shaking from her nightmare. So he recalled what he did for her back then. He sat on the way back of the bed and patted the space in front of him.

"Steve." She said, not knowing if she could handle being so close to him. Not now. Not like this.

"Come on, i won't do anything. let me take your pain away." He said, once again regretting his choice of words. It was not his morning. Natasha just watched him having her own thoughts. How can he think he can take her pain away if he caused it? "Please." He said. Natasha had to admit she was really missing it and she needed him right now.

She walked over to bed, reluctantly sitting in front of him facing the same way he was. Steve smiled in victory and placed his hands onto her neck. He started to message her, Natasha really missed this feeling. This was what he used to do every night when ever she woke up from her sleep.

"I know i shouldn't be here. and i am sorry i bartered you like this." Steve said in a gentle voice. He was choosing his words very carefully.

"Please don't say anything." Natasha said interrupting him. Steve wanted to say okay, but she wanted everything to be okay with her. He didn't want to have this unspoken thing between them.

"No please. Just let me say this." He pleaded. Natasha didn't speak at all. Steve took this as a okay so he can keep going. He continued massaging Natasha's shoulders. "i am sorry. words can never describe how sorry i am but i am still in love with you Natasha. I really am. and i want to be with you Natasha." Natasha immediately stood up. It was all too much for her. She was pulling away. She wasn't going to fall for it again.

"You should go." She said.

"Natasha-"

"i have to get ready for the day, good bye Steve." She said and then left the room into her bathroom. Steve sighed closing his eyes slowly. He wasn't going to give up this easily. He needed her in his life and wanted her to feel the same.

"I love you Natasha. i will make it up to you."