I Hate You, Mr. Boss-Man [18+]

038

Katherine

Dear Mom,

I don't know if I should even call you that. Considering the number of times you didn't seem like one. More like an enemy or someone I should despise. I don't hate you, regardless of what you may think. I love you to bits, you're my mother, and nothing is ever going to change that. I'm writing you this letter in hopes that you'll consider putting yourself in my shoes. I had to leave Pearland, you, and Jacob. I had a decision to make on the matters of your happiness or mine. I chose myself for the first time since dad passed. I don't know why our relationship perished so cruelly. I sometimes think it has something to do with you hating me. If that's all in my head, then please tell me. Tell me I've got it wrong and that you don't hate me. I've never known what it felt like to be hated. What went wrong, Olivia? When did you decide to tolerate me instead of loving me? Is it because you were in more pain than I could've imagined? This letter isn't an apology. I know it may have seemed that way, but no. I mean, why should I apologize? Although I've forgiven you for the hurtful things you let pass your lips—they've stuck with me for the past seven years.

There were so many things I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I was so excited to graduate but, you didn't show. I spent my twenty-first birthday crying in my dorm room. I just needed you, and you weren't there. I needed my mom, and you decided that your pride was enormous. You let me down, Olivia. You were supposed to nourish, care, love unconditionally but, unfortunately, you made conditions. You were supposed to hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay. I never needed my mother more. I guess I'm just so used to being the one in the wrong. I love you but, you let me down.

Your daughter, Katherine,

"What do you think?" I whisper, my eyes burning madly, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Jennifer's eyes meet mine—red, almost glossy. The pads of her fingers crinkle the paper beneath them—sniffling loudly. Her eyes scan the letter once again, wiping the tip of her nose with the sleeve of her sweater. "Jesus," She croaks, fresh tears rolling down her pink cheeks. "You've got quite a pen," Jen says, almost breaking at the end.

"So, it's good?" I ask, taking the letter from her grasp, looking down at it myself. "Think I should say more?"

Jennifer shakes her head, answering the last bit of my question. She wipes her nose once again. "I think it's good in the sense of honesty. It's angry with the right amount of pain. You're vulnerable and true." Her eyes shift to mine, a thin smile pulling. "I know that's all I'd want."

I huff out a breath from my nose, glancing down at my shoes for a moment. "Thank you, Jen," I meet her gaze, wiping away the tear stains on my cheeks. "I just hope it's enough to put the way I see things into perspective. I don't want an apology from her. I just want to make her understand. Anyway," I continue, plopping down on the sofa as I begin to fold the paper in thirds. "I just wanted to get my feelings out on paper. I wasn't going to send it out."

"Why not?" Jennifer asks, taking a seat across from me on the other sofa. "I mean, I don't want to be a bitch about it but, what do you have to lose?"

I draw in my lips, turning over the envelope to look at the address. There was a part of me that wanted to send the letter to my mother. The part that grew a thick skin over the traces that resembled her in me. The piece of me that intended to mail the letter. "Well," I breathe out. "Nothing. I don't have anything more to lose, except maybe my dignity."

"I'd mail out the letter but, that's just me," Jennifer advises and to my surprise. I was considering it. "So, what are today's plans? Have you spoken to Dylan?"