I Hate You, Mr. Boss-Man [18+]

044

Olivia

"Okay, ten minutes...starting now."

I cradle the ceramic in my palms, knee bouncing with the anticipation of waiting for my daughter to start but, I was the one who initiated the conversation. "I know that my being here was the last thing you expected," I begin, my eyes flickering to her face—loud chatter of people inside the small cafe, soft jazz emanating from the speakers above the ceiling. "Believe me. I didn't plan my visit here either." 

Katherine nods softly in response, her red, manicured nails tapping lightly on the mug. "So..." She says, her tongue darting between her lips before she continues. "You just took a spontaneous trip and ended up here? In my apartment of all places?" 

I swallow hard, taking a deep breath as I try to sort out what I want to say. It'd been too long since I spoke to my daughter, let alone seen her. I needed time to think.

"It was a few hours before your dad's birthday party," I whispered, tearing my eyes away from my daughter to focus on the tea in my mug. "Dylan had gotten back from the store—he came home with a bruised fist. I asked him about it but, he brushed it off," I shrug, shaking my head at why I was even upset in the first place. "I knew what it was about in advance to me asking him, turns out he punched Jacob Heathers in the grocery store." 

"What?" Katherine chimed, disbelief written on her expression. I guess Dylan left that part out when he got home. "He punched...he didn't tell me anything about that." 

"Since when has Dylan told you anything he didn't want to?" I ask, reaching for the handle of my mug before taking a careful sip. 

"Jacob probably had that punch coming," Katherine mumbles, leaning her back on the vinyl booth behind her. "What does that have to do with you showing up out of the blue after seven years?" 

"I'm getting there, Kathy," I sigh heavily, knowing damn well that she was getting irritated. I was stalling, beating around the bush of my arrival, and she knew that. Nothing ever went over my daughter's head. She was just like Landon in that department.
I notice her tense, her arms folding over her chest, just like when she was a kid.

"Anyway, Dylan started pressing me for answers I knew I wasn't ready to face. He eventually got me to open up and suggested that I fly back with him. It didn't turn out that way until a few days after he left that I received your letter."

My daughter's eyes widen, her mouth parting slightly, as I reach into my purse and fish out the letter she had written to me.

"I...I didn't," Katherine clears her throat, surprise morphing as she furrows her brows, lips pulling tightly. "You got my letter." 

"I did," I say, sliding the envelope across the table between us. "Is..." I start to say, hesitating while keeping my fingers on the letter. "Is this how you feel? I made you feel like this?" 

Katherine doesn't respond at first. Her eyes flicker between me and the envelope, brows furrowed in thought.

"It'd be pretty fucked up if I said yes, but," She breathes out, chewing on her bottom lip before she nods her head. "Yeah, I've felt like that every goddamn day for the past seven years. I used to blame myself for our fight. Did I say the wrong thing? Should I not have left?" She shakes her head, almost laughing at the situation. "I killed myself for years, and it took me so long to forgive myself, to move past it but, I couldn't. I needed you," Katherine drops her arms, leaning forward as she places her hands flat on the table—her eyes glistening with tears. "I needed my mom, and you weren't there. How fucked up is that?"

I knew that half of her wanted me to answer her, and the other half just needed me to listen. There wasn't a day that went by where I wouldn't kill myself about it either. I hurt her. I hurt my daughter, and that was truly fucked up. 

"You have five minutes." 

"There isn't a single thing I could say to excuse my behavior. I acted like a child, and I disregarded your feelings as if they were nothing. I'm sorry that I hurt you, kitten." I finally say, feeling a weight lift from my chest. My eyes burned, my emotions spilling over, tears rolling down my little girl's cheeks. "I...I was selfish and cruel—I didn't even consider what you were dealing with, and I'm so sorry I blamed you for Jacob. I didn't mean it, and I sure as hell didn't want that for you. Not even Landon wanted you to be with him. I know I can't excuse what I said that night, just as I know that you might not even forgive me. I wouldn't blame you, kitten. You have every right to be angry, hurt, or confused." 

Katherine sniffles loudly, eyes puffy—mascara running down her cheeks along with her tears.

"Three minutes." She croaks, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. 

"I put too much pressure on you, and I didn't realize how much that was affecting you. I just wanted the best for you and Dylan. I wanted you to be better than me, and your dad wanted the same," I take in a breath, wiping away my tears as well.
"When he died, I...I lost my way. I didn't know who I was without your father, he was my rock, and I know that you kids should've been my anchor. I was so fucking stupid to let my babies slip through my fingers. Especially you, my kitten, my Kathy." I reach over, reaching for her hand to clasp it into mine.
"I'm so so sorry, Katherine, truly. I never wanted to make you feel tolerated. I love you and your brother with all my heart. You guys should've been my priority, you always come first, and somehow I forgot that." 

"You know, " Katherine draws in a breath, fresh tears cascading down her flushed cheeks. "I've dreamt about this moment for so long, just wishing that'd I'd hear everything you just said right now. I never thought I'd see the day." 

"I'm not asking you to forgive me," I declare, watching—her hand still in mine. "Nor am I asking you to excuse my behavior. I solely wanted you to hear me out." 

"Seven years is a long time," She whispers, eyes cast down at our hands as I nod in response. "I hated you for what you said to me that night. I hated that you made fun of my goals, my dreams. I hated how you played the victim whenever we got into an argument. I hated a lot of things about you, but I never stopped loving you, mom." Her eyes flicker to meet mine—so hateful and loving at the same time. "—But," Katherine slowly retracts her hand, my fingers grazing across her skin. "That doesn't mean I'm not hurt. It's going to take me some time," 

"I know, kitten," I whisper, feeling disappointment wash over me. My heart aches with the pain I caused my only daughter. "I know." 

Silence falls over us once again. The chatter in the cafe somehow grew louder than before. I knew she needed more than enough time to sort through her thoughts. I was willing to give her anything she needed. Forgiveness didn't conjure overnight. The sounds of shuffling on the other side of the booth makes my head rise. Katherine wasn't sitting across from me anymore but, standing next to the edge of the table.

"How long will you be in New York?" She asks suddenly, catching me somewhat off guard. 

"A few days," I answer softly, wanting to reach out and wipe the tears on her cheeks but, she beats me to it, and I stay put. "I checked into the plaza just a few blocks down from here. I didn't want to burden you or your brother with my presence." 

Katherine nods her head, gripping the strap on her purse as it starts to slip down her shoulder. "Will you meet me tomorrow...for lunch?" 

"Of course," I say—hopeful of the future that was yet to come for my daughter and me. "I'd love to, just text me where and I'll be there." 

Katherine doesn't say much, reaching into her purse before pulling out a twenty-dollar bill—I stop her. "Oh no, Kathy. I've got it, honey." I wave her off, her hand above the surface of the table as she looks at me. "I asked you here. It's the least I can do." 

"I should get going," She whispers, swallowing hard. "I've got work in the morning, and I don't want to be late but, I'll see you?" 

I nod again, flashing her a warm smile as I grip my mug. "You will." 

If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was dreaming—a small smile pulling at her lips. "Okay," She looks at her shoes for a moment before meeting my eyes. "It was good seeing you...mom." 

I choke out a laugh—relief washing over me, and I start to feel the tears rushing down my cheeks. "You too, honey. I'll see you tomorrow." 

And with that, Katherine turns her back to me and walks out of the cafe.