|Repairing a Broken Heart| Todomatsu x Depressed!Reader

Chapter 4

Once again

Your POV

I felt like puking. I badly wanted to throw up when he spoke to me, I can't even breathe right now as I held the cone in my hand.

He treated me like he didn't know me, did something happen to him? Did he block me from his memory and just erased me?

I felt dizzy from thinking of all these questions that I had to sit down.

Todomatsu treated me like a stranger... maybe I get another chance with him? No no no... bad idea... if we started hanging out again I don't want to relive what happen years ago. But now he has my number, so he'll try to get in contact with me.

I was lost in thought that I didn't realized Sarah was nearby who tackled me and started rolling around in the grass.

"Finally got you!"

"Jeez women! Get your fat ass off me!"

We both laughed as she rolled over to my other side. Our laughter died down as we both stared at the sky, the clear blue summer sky.

"Do you ever wonder what death would be like?" I heard my cousin asked.

She asked this question a lot, since she always found death to be a very interesting topic. When we first talked about I grew an interest too. Wondering the possibility's on what it's like when we die.

"I think we would go to Heaven or Hell, based on what we deserve that is." I answered truthfully.

I didn't know what my beliefs were, I was still trying to figure out what I truly believed in. And if I don't find it then I believe in nothing.

"When I die I don't want to go to Heaven or Hell."

"So like stay a ghost on earth?" I asked her as I watched the clouds move.

"Not really. When I die I wanna be more then what I am now," I heard her confess.

More then what you are now... if I would die, what would I become? More then I am now...

"Sarah... have you ever confessed to a guy friend, and he rejected you and he never wanted to see you again?" My question seemed to make her raise an eyebrow.

"Well... let me see..." she started thinking for a bit. I knew about her past relationships, all are really messed up ones too. "Well, there was this one guy who I confessed to... but he told me I was too pure and he started dating my best friend."

"That's not what I meant..."

"Then I guess not."

She knew I never been in a relationship, and so she's been trying to find a guy for me. Each time she tried setting me up on a date, I would decline.

We just stayed there in the grass and stared at the sky. It was peaceful and relaxing.

But my mind was still on Todomatsu. When he was talking to me everything he told me before was ringing in my brain.

I bit the inside of my lip and tried to hold back from crying. Sarah must have noticed because she moved over and held my hand. It was soft.

"I'll have to go back to work tomorrow, Promise me you won't cut while I'm gone..." I could hear how worried she was.

She knew about my cuts. Ever since that day it increased for me to start going from my stomach to my thighs. When she first saw my scars she didn't like it one bit, But understood why I did it.

So she's been trying to get me to stop by doing a truck she does. Which is take colorful sharpie markers and draw on areas where I want to harm myself. She knew this trick because she wanted to hurt herself, but was too scared for putting sharp objects in her body.