|Repairing a Broken Heart| Todomatsu x Depressed!Reader

Chapter 19

Truth

Your POV

After receiving this new information. I dont know how to feel about it.

The fact of how he doesn't remember my name, or what I look like, just goes to show how much he didn't care about me. But when I was no longer in the picture, he started to realize his mistakes and making me a fool.

He misses me.

"A lot of times I think of... the What if's, you know?" Todomatsu spoke softly, breaking me away from my thoughts.

"Like, What if I stopped her from leaving? Coming to the airport to look for her and take back everything I said to her. Or what if when she confessed to me I would have declined and not say anything hurtful, letting us still just be friends? Or What if I did accept her feelings, and I would have grown to accept who she is... was. Yeah... was..."

Totty looks down at his hands and let's out a small sigh. "It's those types of questions I ask myself."

I stared at Todomatsu as he stayed quiet. The way I feel towards him now is... guilt.

Guilty by knowing that I'm the one he mourns. Yet I dont know how I would even tell him. How does one tell another that they aren't dead?

"The only thing I remember about her, was the scars she created on her body."

"S-scars?"

"I didn't understand it, why it was a thing she did. Her parents loved her, she was great in school, yet I didn't understand why she would harm herself. After her passing I then started to understand why she did it." He answered.

So he thinks he understand why I do it to myself... I highly doubt he does, but at the same time I wish to hear what he has to say.

"What do you think it was?" I asked him.

"She felt like she wasn't good enough, so she punish herself for it. I remember her saying she was stressed in school because how hard she was working. She would even bust her ass off to help me and my brothers with school work."

Todomatsu lets out a shaky sigh and he rubs his face with his hand. I turned my attention away from him and looked at the planes on the runway.

I started to hear the sound of shuffling clothes as I turn to see Todomatsu raising his dress shirt to revival his stomach... while holding a small silver blade to his skin.

"Totty!" I snatched the blade from his hands and quickly threw it over the fence of the airport.

I turned back to face him with his shirt still raised up, I was ready to scold him until I saw just a few scar marks on his stomach.

"Totty...?"

He looked away from me and then let's go of his shirt. The scars that were there were old and faded, I could tell. Showing that he doesn't do it as often as I do.

"When she passed away... I did it a couple of times. But then I started doing it yearly I'm honor her." Todomatsu confesses while looking away from me.

My heart started to tighten and swell up. Knowing about that makes me feel worried and sick about it. The fact that he harms himself just showed how much he feels about the situation at hand.

I stayed quiet for a bit, thinking of what I want to say. I want him to stop doing that to himself, but know it's hard to do so, even when you feel like you deserve it.

A small sigh escapes me as I looked out to the runway.

"A couple of years ago, I confessed to a boy and he rejected me. Calling me pathetic and such," Todomatsu picks his head up and looks over to me.