I'm not crazy

15

Thursday, March 21, 2006

Jacks POV

"You can leave if you want" I said as I looked at my feet. He's going to leave and I'll be alone. I'm already alone. Even with everyone here I feel alone. Mark and Felix make me feel like I have someone with me, that I'm not alone. Now Felix is gone and Mark is going to leave.

I look up from my feet to glance at mark. He's looking at me with a unsure expression. I look back down at my feet. He's only here because he wants to get away, not because he cares. This is a vacation to him. He's going to tell people and I'll be forced into the messed up society I know very little about. I'll have to be adopted into a family that doesn't want me. Most will take one look and turn away. I'll have no food soon. Felix is gone. At least I have filtered well water.

I see Sierra in the corner of my eye walking towards me. She leans down and whispers into my ear: "You did this to yourself." She then walks out of the room. Everyone else leaves too, except for Ethan and Mark.

I begin to choke back tears. They hate me. They just need someone to talk to. I don't matter to anyone.

Tears start silently streaming down my face. I clench my teeth to avoid making any noise. My nose starts to run so I start to sniffle.

I glace at Mark again. He still seems unsure of what to do or what to think.

I can't show this side of me to anyone. I run out of the room wiping tears off my cheeks. I need to hide. I need to get away. I run to my room.

Once I get there I bust the door open then immediately turn around and slam it shut.

Once the door is shut I sit against it and lock it so mark can't open it. I pull my legs to my chest and hold them tightly. My tears keep falling down my face. They won't stop. I can't hold it back anymore. I start to uncontrollably sob. Tears soaking my face as I tried to cry the pain away.

I then felt completely alone. The feeling of drowning in a ocean of strangers came to me. I needed someone to tell me they cared, but I needed everyone to stay away from me. What's happening to me? What's wrong!? "SOMEONE HELP ME!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Nobody came still.

I'm left alone here. I'm alone and no one cares to hear my cries.

Time skip

After awhile of crying I started to calm down. My eyes stung from wiping them. My nose irritated from sniffling. My arms getting tired from holding my legs. My hands stiff from clenching them. My lungs tired. My head spinning from breathing heavily.

Everything was distorted. I'm so alone. I let go of my legs and let them flop to the floor. My arms draped to my sides.

I started to feel hungry. I don't deserve it. What's the point in eating? I don't even care anymore.

Time skip

I get up to check the time. My legs are weak and I can barely stand. It was 3:00 pm. I was drowning in my own thoughts that long? I ran up here around 7:00 am. I cried for an hour or so. Marks probably left already.

My bed is more comfortable than the cold floor. I deserve the floor more though. After looking from the floor to my bed to the floor many times I go with my bed.

I drag my feet as I walk. My head hanging low. I sit on my bed and cross my legs. I'm not tired but I'm so drained of energy.

My heart rate was very slow. My muscles feel too tired to even breathe.

I slowly make my way to laying on my bed. I stare at the wall lost in thought about everything and nothing.

Staying in here would make everyone happy wouldn't it? I don't want anyone to see me like this. I can just cross my fingers and hope everyone leaves me alone. No matter how much I need comforted.

~~~~~~~

What I'm kinda trying to show in this chapter is how quickly the mind spirals. This happens to me a lot. Happy one moment then confused and shaken the next. Oh how I love being a teenager.