I'm not crazy

23

Saturday, March 23, 2006

Jacks POV

I eat breakfast at my signature table in the cafeteria. Mark sat beside me eating a chocolate granola bar. After finishing the bar he grabbed his backpack and stood up. I watched as he waved goodbye and started to head to the door.

I got up and followed. A all too familiar knock came from the door. I couldn't move. Mark stared at me. He has confusion and fear drawn on his face. He moves his lips slightly, as if he wants to say something. Though, only ragged breaths came out.

I lifted my hand to tell him to stay where he is. I walked to the door. Halfway there and the knock comes again. The sound of the wood and metal ringing in my ears. Everything is quiet, too quiet.

I look back to Mark to make sure he's okay. His face keeps the same expression it had. His stance is nervous and ready to run at a moments notice.

I face towards the door and begin to walk quietly. No knocks came. A face appeared in the translucent glass as I approached. Pale skin and dirty blonde hair is all I can make out through the glass. It's enough to know it's Felix.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and relaxed my shoulders. My feet moved beneath me and soon I reached the door. I mustered a pissed off face and opened the door. "Why are you here?" I say as I cross my arms.

He stretches his neck to look inside. I move to block his view. He lets out a sigh and looks to his feet. "I brought you more food and drinks. Figured you guys would be running out soon." He avoided eye contact and handed me a plastic bag filled with new foods. What was I thinking? He would never be here to bring any harm purposely.

My eyes softened and I let out a breath. My arms draped to my sides as I took the bag.  He met my eyes, his filled with sadness and regret. "Thank you," I said quietly. He turned to leave.
I made a half-turn and put my hand on the door to close it. I look back at Felix. How do I know I'll see him again? I'll admit I miss him. I take a step forwards into the doorway. Fear suddenly surges throughout my body. I haven't stepped foot outside of this building in years. I take a step back into my safe zone and watch as Felix gets to the tree line.

Mark walks up beside me. Right. He has to go to school. I move out of his way so he can start his walk to the school.

I knock on the door to get Felix's attention. He stops and turns around. I see him nod as he waits for Mark to catch up with him. Once he does they both walk side-by-side into the woods.

I shut the door and make sure to lock it.

I then walked to the cafeteria to put the stuff Felix gave me away. There were some granola bars, a few pops, a box of cereal, a few water bottles and some assorted cookies. I sighed as I put everything in its designated place.

Sierra walks up to me as I put everything away. "Got some stuff on your mind?" She said.

"I was about to ask the same for you." I chucked, attempting to avoid any deep conversation.

"Alright, Jack." She looked at me seriously, waiting for me to give her my attention. I hate these conversations. They're always awkward. "You can't avoid talking to people forever."

I look at her, trying to look confused. "Huh?"

"Jack. I saw your face when I told you Mark should go home. You've never second guessed sending strangers away. You barely even know this mute kid."

"I might not know him well, but..." I lost all of my words. I don't even know why I want him to stay. I can't pinpoint it.

She let out a sigh and began talking again. "You care about him. I get it. I also get that it's easy to tell yourself what you want to hear to avoid the truth, or to avoid thinking any further about it. So, when you tell yourself and others he stays here because he has a bad home life; I know, and I hope you know too, that it's not just that. You truly care regardless of anything I say. You might want a fresh start with someone, maybe someone you can trust, or even..." She pauses, lowering her voice to a hushed whisper,"someone to love."

I stare blankly at the countertop attempting to bring my head what she said. Love? Why would I want to blindly love someone? I can see the trust and a new start part... but love? Im pretty sure it's just bullshit anyway. I don't understand why breakups and having someone there have such an affect on people. All Felix has ever told me is I'll understand after I've actually fell in love. A mix of fear in confusion settle in my heart. "H-...I-... Love?" I stutter out.

"That my thoughts anyway. I think you should start really analyzing yourself, to... y'know... figure yourself out." She put her cold hand on my shoulder.

I look up to her and nod. She gives a small smile and a nod back. Her hand comes off of my shoulder. "I would help you put these away, but you'd have better luck telling the beans to go hunting for deer." We both shared a light-hearted laugh. It lightened the mood a bit and took the awkwardness away.

My mind still had some remnants of what she said as I stacked the beans and watched Sierra attempt to kick them over. The only thing she is really doing is making them cold and hardly making them move. We laughed as she failed to take them out by repeatedly punching them. Meanwhile, my mind began to wonder elsewhere. Love?