intellectual » k.n.j // #LostStarsAwards2k18 #COWA2018

xii

>i love you so

"Hm? What do you mean?" Namjoon smiled to himself, staring at the same dimlit ceiling, except there aren't self-consuming thoughts in his head.

"I LITERALLY JUST CHANGED YOUR CONTACT NAME TO NAMJOON, KYLE. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME THINK I'VE LOST MY MIND---DON'T FUCKING LAUGH AT ME KYLE KIM."

Namjoon kept giggling, "Am not,"

"You are,"

"Am not,"

"You are,"

"Fine," Namjoon tried stifling down his laughter but to no avail, still laughing catiously slightly not to wake Taehyung up. "But what made you think that I'm, what's the name again, Kim Namjoon?"

"NAMJOON'S LATEST KIM DAILY."

"What about it?"

"Y-your clothes..." Her voice suddenly went soft, "The very same bench, and oh my God."

Namjoon sighed in defeat, still smiling like a dork. "Fine. Assuming that you had released all your shock, yes. I am Kim Namjoon."

[Y/N] suddenly squirmed, "You know  if it's morning and if I could scream as loud as I can, I'd totally would."

"Do you want to give it a shot later?"

"I still am shocked, dummy." [Y/N] released a couple of breaths that convinced that she is, indeed, still shocked.

"Please don't leak my number."

"I'd never."

"And keep my contact name as Kyle, please."

"I understand. Remind me to do so later when we reenact this moment."

His cheeks started to hurt from smiling but he kept smiling anyway, "You're really dedicated to scream, aren't you?"

"Go ask other ARMYs, sure enough I'll react as much as them."

"That would be funny, cute, or terrifying, depending on how many people gets my number."

"And you only got one person so what would it be?"

"Pretty much all of it because you'll probably jump on me."

She laughed, "I'd tackle you down the next time we meet."

"About that..." Namjoon trailed off, realizing that starting next week they'll be busy.

MAMA is around the corner, next month to be precise. They have to practice everything all over again.

Then, the Festivals. There's three of them after Christmas and they hadn't announced it to the public yet, but they'll be performing in America by New Year's Eve.

"Since you know that, well, am a member of BTS... I don't have to hide my real self to you, don't I?"

"Why not? Also, Ky---Namjoon," She corrected herself, "I don't really mind that much. I wasn't your fan when I first met you, and you're really... really kind and been there for me even though I really just disturbed you... But rest assured, no special treatment will happen."

It's just a hunch, but Namjoon thought that he heard her smile.

"Please do call me Kyle instead. I want to keep the anonymity that way."

"No prob, Kyle. I liked Kyle anyway, it kinda fits you."

He felt heat tense up against his aching cheeks but if it was visible even in lowlight, he won't let it easily show through his voice. "What made you say that?"

"Well, the first time we met, you were reading a book," She started, "I didn't get to read the title, because it was foreign, maybe English because it looks like it. That's when I thought that you're smart, and I approached you. Because I know you'll understand me. By the way you clothed yourself up, a cap, glasses, a black mask, burgundy scarf, and a giant olive green coat. The giant coat made me think that you're an old man. Hahahaha!

"You were so deep in thought. You might be looking at your book but you were just staring at it. So yeah. I approached you. And I wasn't wrong. Your views on Religion is something well-thought of, well-constructed. Well, your statement really just sounded like you're mad on whoever's up there, but if you are, then you really did thought that through and delivered it nicely for me to understand."

"What does that have to do calling me Kyle?"

"Shush, I'm not done yet." She interrupted. "The reason why I like calling you Kyle is because of its simplicity. I don't know what Kyle means or whatever but it's just a syllable to be mentioned. Well, maybe two, but even if I don't know what it means, it only means something. And that meaning is you."

Namjoon was speechless. Not only that his face was utterly red, his hands was starting to grow cold and there was this old, familiar feeling that was long gone, but now it made its comeback.

The butterflies are back.

The adrenaline is back.

"But I'd call you Namjoon in some occasions, okay?"

The inexplainable feeling of excitement and anxiety was slapped onto his chest.

"Or maybe Joonie, just to tease you. Joonie is so cute!"

And he could feel his eyes diliate after what she said.

Then, there was this certain melody, and certain words that was rushing from his head. Then he remembered the blank file which has a tune but with no words in it.

"Kyle, are you still there?"

An answer. He needed an answer.

He stared at the ceiling, his heart racing, debating if whether he would ask it or not, but by the tone of her voice, she was growing worried.

"Kyle?"

"S-still here, still here." He croaked. His throat is starting to run dry for an unknown reason, but he didn't moved an inch on his bed.

"I thought you slept on me," She laughed, then her tone went serious. "I'll seriously tackle you if you slept on me."

"..."

To do it or not to do it?

The clock is ticking, Namjoon. Think fast.

"O-of course I was kidding. You have busy schedules and stuff AND YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP BY NOW. Seriously I don't mind---"

"[Y/N]? Can I ask you something?"

"U-um... Sure. What is it?"

No. Think about the consequences Namjoon. What if she doesn't? Technically, you just pushed yourself to her. Things might get awkward.

"D-do..."

It won't hurt a little, right? I mean, it's a harmless question. What could go wrong?

Namjoon cleared his throat once more. With uncertainty, he asked.

"Do you like me?"