intellectual » k.n.j // #LostStarsAwards2k18 #COWA2018

viii

>cheongmal saranghada

"No, you didn't, I'm sorry—"

But those words are distant to you as you laid in bed with tears in your eyes, and pressed 'end call' on your phone. The restless, gentle light of the moon seeped through your window hitting half of your face.

You were scared, you wanted to turn the lights on but to no avail because they might be there.

This phobia sucks. Everything sucks. Your only salvation—talking to Kyle—didn't do much. In fact, you disturbed him and he hates you now.

That's what you think.

You kept praying and praying and praying to God, that, maybe Kyle would answer answer, that he's not asleep.

But maybe you think you were just that annoying.

That's what you think.

You live alone, away from your parents, friends, everything openly close to you. As that was happening, that they all slowly drift away, your faith to Him does, too. You read all these satire stuff, find yourself having no time to visit the church at all. And then you started being skeptical every time, possibly a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon passes you by, seeing those flyers and brochures they have with them, that 'I don't really believe in anything that you're saying.' thought but just keep it to yourself because you didn't really want to offend anyone at all.

You were convinced, and ready to fall off but this stupid thing happened.

Twice that it happened that your door suddenly swung open but you were all alone. Thrice that it happened that stuff had been randomly moving or falling out of place but you were all alone. And once when your other friends at work openly talked about this 'exorcism' and 'demons' bullshit. One thing's for sure though, curiosity kills the cat.

You searched for them and now you're tormented with what you saw. Especially when you watched the Exorcism of Emily Rose, which happened in real life.

You keep convincing yourself that it's up to you what to believe, but your idiot brain can't do shit for you, and so you're stuck in this bed, hyperventilating, scared for life, and can't move even a single muscle because you might see something creepy behind you.

Is this a punishment for being skeptical about Your existence?

It's getting annoying.

Am I that weak-willed? Can't I have control over myself in every way that I doubt too much and cling too much?

Your eyes landed on your phone, and a sudden idea popped in your head.

Don't do it.

Kyle would be mad. But then, why would it matter? He hates you now, so why bother?

You tapped on YouTube, typed in BTS...

No, don't do it.

You hesitated pressing the 'Enter' key. What if they're really bad? What if they have low standard trash music?

What if... Kyle was one of the members? That seems wild in your perspective, but there must be a reason why he's all covered up.

Don't.

It's too late. You tapped the 'Enter' key and results showed up. The DNA and Serendipity M/V on the top, and their management's channel, ibighit, was underneath.

Serendipity has a good ring on it.

So you tapped Serendipity, and the video started.

♪ i modeun geon uyeoni anya
geunyang geunyang naye neukkimeuro ♪

The blond guy with this weird but cute face started singing, and he captivated you with his sweet, sweet voice.

♪on sesangi eojewan dalla
geunyang geunyang neoye gippeumeuro

niga nal bulleosseul ttae
naneun neoye kkocheuro
gidaryeotteon geotcheoreom
urin shiridorok pieo

eojjeomyeon ujuye seobri
geunyang geuraetteon geoya
You know I know
neoneun na naneun neo♪

You didn't realize you were slowly being drifted away to sleep, his voice calming your every nerve and that's the one thing you wanted to feel.

♪seolleneun mankeum mani duryeowo
unmyeongi uril jakku jiltuhaeseo
neomankeum nado mani museowo
When you see me
When you touch me♪

You couldn't hear what he's saying, but you know it's for you to cherish. The words, in some way, you feel certain connection with them like someone close to you had written them, their personality and soul coursing through every letter and every syllable the blond singer sings.

♪ujuga uril wihae umjigyeosseo
jogeume eogeutnamjocha eopseosseo
neowa nae haengbogeun yejeongdwaetdeon geol
Cause you love me
And I love you

neon nae pureun gompangi
nal guwonhae jun
naye cheonsa naye sesang

nan ne samsaek goyangi
neol mannareo on
Love me now touch me now♪

Why did Kyle won't want me to hear them? It's such a good song...

You really wanted answers but when you least wanted it, sleep visits. You were trying to keep your eyes awake, but to no avail. Serendipity washes you with serendipity and calmness, there's no fighting that.

♪Just let me love you
Just let me love you
ujuga cheoeum saenggyeonasseul ttaebuteo
modeun geon jeonghaejin geoyeosseo
Just let me love you♪

Finally, your eyes close, giving in to sleep. You need to, anyways.

♪Let me love let me love you
Let me love let me love you♪

Why not? You smiled sleepily before dozing off.

I'll let you love me.