Never Let You Go (sequel to Where do we go from here)

Starting over

It's been 3 weeks since I walked out on Joey and my heart is broken. The kids and I have been staying in my dads house well I finish the last two months of school. Joey called everyday, I just kept sending it to voicemail I just couldn't do it, I couldn't bring myself to hear his voice. It was hard enough when I was right next door to his mom. I tried to not show the hurt and put on a happy face for the kids but when nobody is around I just fall apart, it wasn't supposed to be this way not for us. I was not looking forward to today by any means today was the day I was going to the courthouse and file for custody of the twins. Joey was arrested last week for DWI and a bar fight and was spiraling since we had left and I didn't feel the twins were safe with him.

It was noon when a black Bentley pulled into the driveway and Danny jumps out and walked in, "baby girl""I'm in the office" Danny walked in and hugged me,"You ready to go""no""I know but it's something you are gonna have to do""I know but you don't understand""Yea I do understand, you love him. I know this but he is spiraling and this is the only way you are going to know he just can't walk up into JJ and Victoria's school and walk out with them and he is messed up""your right". Danny walked up and pulled me into s hug as the tears spilled from my eyes, I just don't understand what happened and how we got here, it was never supposed to be like this not for us. I pull back wipe my eyes and head out. We got into Danny's car and pulled out I lean again the window and just think about everything that has transpired. "Danny""Yea""Does he know""does he know what, that your filing for custody""yeah""no, baby girl he doesn't he is spiraling and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. He refuses to talk to anyone.""I wasn't supposed to be this way for us Danny""I know baby girl no one expected him to do this""is this something I did, is it something I didn't do""listen to me you did nothing wrong it's him,he has a problem and it's going to be up to him to fix it". I couldn't hold back the tears as we pulled into the courthouse and headed up to the third floor. I walked in and seen Gina who was a intern at my dads firm "Mrs. McIntyre what are you doing here? "Hi Gina umm can I have the forms to file for custody please""oh no are you serious" I look over at Danny and he nods, "yes please Gina". I filed out and handed it back court was set for December 23rd 2 days before Christmas, fucking fabulous.

We pulled back up to the house a hour later to see flowers on the porch and Joey's car in the driveway next door, "Jesus Danny""just head in don't even look over there""I can't do this""yes you can, just get out and walk into the house don't even look in that direction" I took a deep breath and stepped out the car I was halfway up the walkway when Joe goes flying out the door "Sweetbaby wait" I look over at Danny as he runs over right before Joey made it "Joe leave her alone""Danny I just need to see her just 2 minutes please""NO JOE go back over to your moms""Sweetbaby please" a tear dropped, "I'm not your Sweetbaby anymore"" no you dont mean that""Go Joe" and I turned and walked inside crumbling to the ground. Danny walked in a second later, " Lee""Danny, I....I still love him""he still loves you but""maybe it was a mistake leaving""Leesa Renee you did what you had to for the kids for yourself he made the choices that led to this not you""but...""don't do this to yourself don't let him do this to you". I just laid there on the couch and cried I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. Danny headed over to the school and picked the twins up and took them back to his house so they didn't see me the way I was. Rae headed over and Donnie had Izzy. I never thought I would have had to file custody papers against Joe it made it to painfully real.

The next two weeks passed and soon enough I was standing in my room getting ready to face Joe in court, something I never imagined I be doing. I haven't seen or talked to him since the day and the front yard. I walked downstairs as Jordan was waiting on me so we can go to court, Jon and Harley are meeting me there and Jordan driving since I have been in such a emotional state and it's going to be worse after we leave court today. We checked in and and walked into the waiting room Joe was already there. The guys seen him and immediately redirected me to the opposite side of the room trying to surround me so I didn't have to see him, it didn't work all I could see is the man I loved for as long as I can remember a broken shell of a man, his hair had grown out and looked disheveled his blue eyes normally full of sparkle now dull and tired looking.
We were called into the courtroom about 20 minutes later, here we were, it went quick in a blink of a eye Joe told the judge to grant me whatever I wanted because he knew he had a problem and he needed to work on himself, So I walked out with everything I could've wanted but I felt more broken then ever. I did agree to let him see the kids at his moms house only but Danny would be present to supervise, it's not that I didn't trust Kay because lord knows I love that woman more then anything it's if he comes over drunk and out of control Kay isn't going to be able handle him Danny can. We got back to the house and the twins should be getting home soon from school and then they will go over to Kay's for the weekend.

The next few weeks passed and soon enough here I was graduation day, the day that honestly would've never been possible without Joe and I have to do it without him. As I sit with my graduating class listening to the commencements speech I looked over to see all the guys,Kay,Alma,Marlene and Betty all in the audience looking just so proud even Marky was there as Victoria was sitting on his lap watching, I should be happy but I find myself wondering where Joe is and if he was safe and just wishing I be looking in the audience and see him there cheering me on. A few minutes later I heard "Leesa McIntyre" I walked up the stage as my cheering section let it rip. After graduation we all headed to Jon and Harley's house who decided to throw me a huge graduation party, it was so sweet of them and I can't tell you what it meant to me but my heart just wasn't in it. The party continued late into the night and I received wonderful gifts from everyone including a diamond bracelet from Joe that he had Kay give to me. It was 2:30 in the morning when I finally pulled into the driveway, kids fell asleep at Jon's and he insisted they sleep there and I not wake them up. I was not paying attention as I walk up the walkway up to the front door and I walk smack dab into someone, I look up "Joe""Sweetbaby"" what are you doing here""you wouldn't answer my call I wanted to tell you congratulations I'm really proud of you""thank you" I always thought I would look out in the audience when I graduated and see you but things change I guess". Joe under his breathe "I was there"" what you say""nothing, congratulations again" he leans over kisses my cheek and walks away. My hand goes to my cheek as I walk in I still have the same feeling in my stomach as always just from the small kiss.

It was February 1st one of the biggest days of my life, I'm taking the bar exam. The anxiety I was going through at that very moment I couldn't compare it to much of anything. I sat and stared at the paper for a good 10 minutes then I said a little prayer to my dad and off I went. 3 hours later I was finished, I would have my results in a few weeks. I have had several offers from firms just based on the fact of who my father was but I have never been one to go and get my way based on someone I way tied too I didn't do it with Joey and I didn't do it with my dad either. I am waiting to hear back from a firm in New York if they extend a offer I'm highly considering it, it will be a fresh start for the kids and me. Needless to say when I told Rae she wasn't happy she is convinced that I'm just trying to run away to not have to deal with Joe and my broken heart, maybe she is right I can't say that this whole thing wasn't a huge part of the decision,if I was to ever try to move on I can't do it next door to his mom and everywhere I turn has some memory of us.

Weeks rolled by and I was just there I wasn't happy I just kinda did life. Joe have had a couple more bumps with the law and to this point he has made it to see the twins on the weekends and be sober long enough for them to have him present with them and having fun. I haven't seen him, he has tried still called me every night but I just couldn't. Finally it was May4th when I went to the mailbox and there it was my results from the bar. I ripped it open right then and there, I passed I screamed and ran across the yard and into Kay's house. "MA!!!" I wasn't expecting to run in and see Joe pop up from laying on the sofa, "Hey""oh, Hi Joe""mom's not here,she is shopping with Betty""oh ok Just tell her I came over and I have my bar exam results". I turn to leave as Joe grabs my arm, I spin around " how did you do""I passed""that's awesome Lee, I'm so proud of you I always know you could do it"" thanks." I go to leave and stop at the door, "Joey""yes""Joey we're moving the kids and I, I accepted a job offer""wait what!""I accepted a job offer I'm leaving""Where you going""back home...to New York""Lee you don't mean this no"" yes Joey I am""please don't leave me""I'm sorry" I turned walked out and shut the door and leaned against it, all I heard was Joey yell " No" and the smash of glass. A tear dropped and I whispered "I'm sorry I love you" and walked back next door.