Broken Love

Two months later.....

It had been about two months since I was released from the hospital. Nathan has been as sweet as he ever has been, trying to help me get better faster. He even took a break from The Wanted while I was recovering. There were still some days that I felt sore and just wanted to give up and stay in bed, but those days were quickly dwindling.

When I was in a coma in the hospital, I swear Nathan told me things I never thought were possible. I could have sworn I heard him say he was going to put a ring on my finger. So far, he hasn’t. I don’t want to feel disappointed, since he doesn’t know that I heard him, but I do. Every day I wake up, I wonder if today was the day that he was going to propose to me, but still nothing.

I slowly made my way down the stairs to make myself some breakfast while Nathan was at work. As I prepared and cooked my eggs, I felt feeling nauseous. It’s just a side effect to the medication. I thought to myself and poured myself a glass of ginger ale to soothe my stomach. That did very little to settle it. Two seconds later, I was running down the hall toward the bathroom. I had made it just in time before I vomited everywhere. For the past few days, I couldn’t keep anything down.

After I had finished throwing up, I wiped my face and flushed the toilet before going back to my food. My appetite had disappeared, so I put the food in proper storage containers and put it in the refrigerator for later.

I went back upstairs and got back into my bed. As I curled under the covers, I flipped through the channels to find something to watch while I waited for Nathan to come home. I stopped at a show called I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant on TLC. It made me start to think. I was nauseous every day, I was late on my period, and I was tired all the time. My doctors have told me that all of these were side effects of my medication, but now I was really starting to wonder, could I be pregnant?

The thought scared me. I wasn’t ready to be a mother yet. Especially after all that has happened to me in the past few months. I was still on a lot of medication that could hurt any child that I could be carrying. I wasn’t psychologically ready to be a mother, either. I was in and out of therapy. It’s not that I don’t ever want to have children, because I do, I just feel that the timing may be wrong. My mind wandered, mulling over the thought of my having children, as I dozed off.

The next thing I knew, I felt a kiss on the side of my cheek. I smiled, knowing Nathan was finally home. I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him in for another kiss. “How’s my sleeping beauty today?” Nathan asked. My mind quickly wandered to my possible pregnancy.

“Um…ok I guess.” I answered, the uncertainty I was feeling showed through my voice. “You guess?” Nathan asked with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah.” I said, knowing he wouldn’t leave it alone. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I sighed before I answered, “I think I may be pregnant.”

I held my breath and waiting for Nathan to answer. “Are you sure?” he asked. “Not yet, but I will find out.” Again, my voice deceived me. “What do you want to do, babe?” he asked me, concern written all over his face. “To be honest, I don’t know. I’m not sure if I am ready to be a mom. Not after everything that has happened to me.”  He nodded, understanding where I was coming from. “Well, you never know. This may be a blessing in disguise. It may be what we need to finally put the past behind us and start moving forward.” I smiled at him. This is one of the reasons why I loved Nathan. He was always so practical. “True. I guess we will keep it then, if I am pregnant.” I said, trying to sound hopeful. “Don’t do something you don’t want to do on my account, babe. I may be a bit disappointed, but I will always support you, no matter what you decide.” He said, taking my hands and giving them a small squeeze of encouragement. “I know, babe. I will think about it.” I say with a smile.

I reached over to the bedside table, where my phone was sitting. I dialed my doctor’s office. “Hello, I would like to make an appointment.” I said into the receiver when they finally answered. Nathan sat beside me quietly as I made the appointment with my doctor for the next day for a pregnancy test. When I finally hung up, he was behind me, giving me a massage. I have never felt happier in my life.