Trigger warnings // this wasn't a nice chapter to write 😞
It's crazy how fast we live and then pass away. I never want to die last, I want to be the first. But in the same way I so want to die last to all my family and friends, because then they ever need to cry over me.
Death as a subject confuses me, always has, and always will. Hopefully one day, I will understand it.
'Hi mum.' I whispered, Phil's grip tightened around my waist, and he pecked my cheek once. Trying to relax me.
'Dan.' She whispered. 'I am so sorry.' I could hear she had been crying a lot. 'He's in a better place.' She whispered.
'Oh.' I spoke, before hanging up. I could not bare to speak to anybody.
Tears began to fall, and I pulled away from Phil, before running up to my room.
'He can't be gone, he can't.' I whispered to myself as I let the tears flood my eyes. The door opened from behind, and I felt a body infront begin to hug me.
'Phil, he's gone. Why did he have to go it's unfair!' I screamed.
'Shush.' He mumbled, 'he's in a better place, for now he is looking down on you and protecting you, but when it's your time, you will be reunited with him again, I promise.'
'I- I don't know what to think anymore!' I whimpered, it felt as though everything was crashing down on me. I had lost my father, somebody who I idolised and was my best friend. I saw him once or twice a year, but when I did it was always when I was at my happiest.
'Don't think.' Phil kissed my cheek, before pushing me to lay down, he pulled the duvet over me, then drew the curtains and climbed in. He instantly wrapped his arms around me, cuddling into me. 'Just sleep for a bit.'
'Don't- don't leave me.' I whispered.
'I would never leave you.'
-
A long dark road. I walked alone, only a few street lights shining on the ground so I knew where to walk without standing on something I shouldn't.
'Daniel.' I heard from behind, I turned to see my dad. Standing in all his glory, but something was running up behind him.
'Dad! Dad LOOK OUT DAD PLEASE NO!' I cried, but he wouldn't listen. The figure ran through my dad, and he turned into a dust cloud.
'The figure ran towards me, a hood over it's head. The person stopped infront of me.
'Don't think.' The voice spoke, as he lifted the hood revealing Phil's face.
-
I woke up screaming 'No!'
'Dan it's ok calm down shush!'
'Get off me, leave me alone!' I cried, pushing Phil off the bed, he banged his head against the wall quite hard, I started running out the room and to the toilets.
After locking myself in, I glanced to the mirror, looking at myself. I looked hideous.
I reached to the cupboard, and pulled out a razor.
I looked at myself again, knowing it was so wrong, but I needed to feel pain, to make myself realise this is how cruel real life is.
I sliced once, twice. It became addictive in seconds.
Over and over across my wrists. Soon enough my wrists felt numb, so I did a few more deep.
I lost a lot of blood. My eyes closed. The room went dark. But the pain continued.
