Grahams Guide to Store Chaos

Explain

"I know you don't really want to talk about it." Romar started, fiddling with the blanket he held. " But, can you tell me what just happened. I think I deserve an explanation." Romar and I had settled back into our blankets, the camp being lit by many flashlights.

"Yeah, I know." I took a deep breath and began. "It's kind of stupid....but I'm afraid of the dark."

"And?" He prompted for more.

"And what? That's it!"I said shrugging. "It's so stupid! I mean i'm 17 and I still have to sleep with my closet light on."

"Oh, well. I don't think it's stupid." He said trying to comfort me.

"Really?" I said not believing him. "I just had a panic attack and flung my body all over the store because of a little darkness!" Even I was exasperated at myself for how I reacted. 

"First of all," Romar said, "That was more than just a little darkness. Secondly, You can't help the way you reacted, people react in weird ways to fear all the time."

"Yeah, but those people have valid fears. Like, murderers and....spiders and....doing taxes? I don't know! Other stuff!" I always felt like my fear was ridiculous. Like it was something I should've outgrown. There were six year olds who have already thrown out their night lights but I still couldn't get over shadows.

"Darkness is a very common fear and just as valid as those other ones.....including taxes I guess. Have you always been that afraid of the dark?" He asked.

"No, When I was younger it was more manageable."

"So what changed?" He asked. This struck a chord with me and I looked down. He noticed the shift in me and he paused for a moment before saying. "I don't want to push you into an uncomfortable situation but like you said earlier, talking about it can make you feel better and move on."

"Damn my great advice!" I joked halfheartedly. I sighed before beginning to speak, "So, what changed was that my dad left. He was the reason it was manageable. Whenever he would put me to bed he would tell me silly stories that would take my mind off the dark and make me more comfortable. And when he left.... I don't know I guess those comforts did too."

Romar seemed shocked by my revelation. I didn't mention my dad leaving before this and I guess he realized why I have only mentioned my mom.

"I'm not sure why he left. He and my mom were fighting but I did't realize it was bad enough he would want to leave.....that he would want to leave me." I said sadly, still looking at the floor. "So, yeah. Afraid of the dark for unreasonable reasons, unmanageable due to abandonment. yaaaaay." I said dully. 

"I see why you joke so much. You've had to become your own comforter." Romar said in realization.

"Yea, i've never thought it about it like that but I guess you're right." I agreed. I didn't know where my dad went, he hasn't contacted me in all these years so I wasn't sure if I even wanted him to come back. He left me, and that was hard to admit. I blamed my mom for a while, and I blamed myself for even longer. But I have been ready to move on for a long time. I have my mom, I have my friends, and now I guess I have Romar. I have my comfort.