Will We Ever See the End? (lashton au) (ON HOLD)

Chapter 19

FUCK YEAH IM UPDATING WOOO finally I'm so sorry u guys should know by now that I'm bad at updating all of my stories 😂

WHY THE HELL DID I MAKE VIC SO SERIOUS IN THIS OMG I JUST REALIZED THAT WOW WHAT

lmao I'm lame but the 5sos albUM MAKES ME UNSTABLE AND ITS PERF JS AND YEAH KELLIN QUINN IS PRETTIER THAN ME AHSDBSAJE BYE

OH WAIT ALSO I CANT BELIEVE ASHTON IS 20 LIKE NO I DID NOT ALLOW THIS NO HE'S 5 AND HE'S SUPER CUDDLY AND ADORABLE AND NO NO NO
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Ashton'sPOV

I knew I should be trying to get better, but what's the fucking point when your life is always shit?

Luke came to the hospital yesterday and pretended as if we didn't kiss last time. He was nervous, I could tell, but he tried to hide it by changing the subject to something irrelevant, like how Kellin squirted milk out of his nose because Vic actually said something funny.

Luke wasn't mean to me or anything, it's just he was acting normal.

How could he when I thought that he may have had feelings for me?

Was he scared?

Did he regret kissing me?

Maybe Luke thought he liked me, but he looked at me and saw me for how I saw myself. Worthless, fat, ugly and so, so stupid for thinking I even had a chance.

Itriedignoringmy darkthoughts, but they screamed in my head as I got ready for school. Today was the day I was due to come back, and everything was already wrong. I was itching for a release ever since I left the hospital yesterday, but I couldn't find my blades in the place I usually put them. Did the paramedics find them and take them the day I tried to die, but failed like I always do?

I quickly got dressed and resumed a search for something sharp. My parents didn't seem to even notice I was gone, and I would've been screwed since they didn't pay for me staying at the hospital, but Kellin's mom found out and insisted she payed for it. I felt guilty that Kellin and his family are always helping me, and I felt guilty that I wanted to die again, but they were stubborn and knew about my situation. I guess it felt nice to have someone know.

I locked the bathroom door and quickly glanced in the mirror, only to withdraw in horror.

I looked awful.

It seemed like I just walked out of a fucking tornado; my hair was sticking up in weird places, my eyes were dark, red, and just dreary.

Basically, I looked like death itself.

I desperately ran a hand through my hair as I looked through the cabinets above the sink, and my eyes landed on something.

Scissors.

It was worth a try, but I knew they weren't sharp enough. I took a hold of the scissors and opened them up, pressing the sharpest part to my wrist.

It barely left a mark, no matter how much pressure I put, and I needed more. My hands shook as I tried again, and this time I managed to draw a little bit of blood, and it began to sting.

I let out a breath and began sliding the opened scissor in quick movements, one cut overlapping the other to make the pain intensify.

I felt so fucking pathetic, inflicting myself with pain because I was too weak to deal with the emotional things in my life. I couldn't live in my own skin, so I cut it open. I didn't know what I wanted anymore, I failed at suicide. I was too weak to kill myself, and that's what I really fucking wanted.