The Chronicles of A Bitter Girl

Painful Nights

It was Wednesday, which meant that Tanya had to go volunteer at the county pre-school, Small Talk Academy. She hated and loved it at the same time because she didn't have a car to drive herself there but she loved spending time with the kids. She usually took the city bus there which was an hour drive and sometimes she would find herself falling asleep on the way there. It was worth it but it definitely reminded her that she needed to start saving up money to get her own car.

As she got dressed and ready to go her phone rang and Justin Beiber's song Confident began to play.

She's confident, oh no no ,oh no no

She's confident, oh no no, oh no no

Tanya picked up her phone, "Hey mom."

"Hey baby how you doing," she noticed that her mom sounded different as if she'd been crying.

"Mom what's wrong, you sound like you were crying? Is it Jean, did he do something to you again?" Tanya questioned.

Jean was Tanya's step dad and they did not have a good history with each other. Matter of fact none of her siblings really favored him because he physically and verbally abused their mother. When they were growing up they figured that she stayed with him because she needed help paying bills and taking care of all of them but now that they were all grown and she was still with him they didn't know what to believe. It was hard seeing her mother so miserable but there was nothing she could do except listen to her mother cry and complain. She spoke to her about leaving him several times but she just didn't want to listen.

"No baby, I just found out that your uncle Greg died," she said sniffling.

Uncle Greg was her mother's brother and her favorite uncle so Tanya didn't take the news to well.

"HE DIED! How? What happened? When? Why am I just finding out about this?" Tears formed in Tanya's eyes and she began to sob. Her heart felt heavy and she sunk down into the floor.

"I just found out this morning. He was hit by a drunk driver when he was coming home from work. He flew through the windshield and died instantly," she paused.

Tanya couldn't believe her ears, she was just on the phone with him three days ago and now some bastard had taken her precious uncle's life. She wanted to kick, scream and just die with him. It hurt her deep like someone had taken a knife and stabbed her over and over in the same spot.

"Hello, Tanya you still there?" Her mom asked.

"Yeah mom I'm just shocked," she managed to say. "When is his funeral?" Tanya asked.

"It's next Thursday but I won't be able to go because thats' Jean's birthday," she said with regret in her voice.

"MOM YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME! YOUR BROTHER JUST DIED AND YOU CAN'T GO BECAUSE IT'S THAT JACKASS BIRTHDAY!" Tanya screamed.

"Tanya I already feel bad, don't make it any worse."

"No mom you should feel like shit because that's messed up!" Tanya spat then hung up the phone.

Tanya never in her life disrespected her mom the way she just did and she felt bad about it but she couldn't believe that her mother would not go to her own brother's funeral. She had never been so angry in her entire life and she hadn't even cursed in over 5 years but she snapped. She couldn't understand why her mom let that man control her the way he did. Was she scared, did she love him, did she feel like one day he would change for her? Tanya didn't know what to think but she couldn't deal with that right now. She just wanted to stay in her room for the rest of the day, no for the rest of the year, and cry. Tanya climbed into her bed and wrapped herself tight inside the covers. So many questions floated around in her head. Was her uncle in heaven now? Would she be able to go to his funeral without breaking down at the sight of his body lying in the casket. Everything happened all too quick and her head was spinning. She closed her tear filled eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~

"Tanya come help me clean up the bathroom before your mother gets home," Uncle Greg said.

"Why am I the only one helping you, what about Keisha and Jenny?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"They went with yo mom to the store while you was sleeping and she told me to clean the bathroom while she's gone." he replied. "C'mon," he lifted the 8 year old Tanya out of bed and put her on the floor. As he was straightening her up he noticed a fresh mark on her shoulder that wasn't there before.

"Tanya how did you get this mark? Were you playing with those boys from next door again? I know yo mama done told you about running behind them children," he frowned.

"No, it was jean he hit me for talking to loud while he was sleeping and I fell and hit the bed railing." Tanya said as she looked down to the floor.

"Does yo mom know about this?" Uncle Greg said furiously.

"Yes she put alcohol on it because it was bleeding a lot and she told me that it was my fault for not respecting him while he was sleeping." she said sadly. "Uncle does mommy like Jean better than she likes me?" she looked up at him.

"No, of course not. Why would you ask me something like that?" he furrowed his brows.

"Because that's what it seems like. She never spends any time with us and every time we get in trouble she calls us names." Tanya replied sadly.

Her uncle embraced her and assured her that her mother loved her very much but she was just in a bad place at the moment. He explained that she would understand when she got older.

~~~~~~~~

Tanya woke up from her dream, an old memory of her uncle that reminded her of their close relationship. She picked up her phone to check the time, it was 7:00 p.m, which meant
that she slept for 5 hours. She disregarded all the missed calls and texts from her friends and family. There was nobody on earth that she wanted to speak to so she picked up her bible, read a passage and she prayed like never before. All the anger, hurt, and confusion she felt overwhelmed her and she cried again until she she couldn't cry anymore. Another bullet to add to the long list of things that make her so angry and bitter. She couldn't quite understand why life kept bringing her down but this time she just wanted to stay down.