The Chronicles of A Bitter Girl

Downhill From Here

Devonte turned up the music on his laptop, he wanted to drown out his thoughts because his mind was in overdrive after last night. Devonte was never the type of nigga that cried in front of people and he hated himself for crying in front of Tanya. Now she was going to think that he was some weak little boy that couldn't handle pain. He didn't mean to break down like that but all the crap he heard Darius say really cut him deep. What human being that loved another human being could sit there and listen to someone say the things Darius said? To be honest, the only other time he cried like that in his life was when he first found out his dad was sick. It had taken the entire family completely off guard and he didn't know how to handle it because his family never had problems. He hadn't even cried at the funeral because he felt like he had to be strong for his mom and sisters. Devonte never wanted to cry in front of her again, he was sending the wrong message. It's already bad enough that he's a pretty boy but for him to be crying all over the place just made him feel so imasculine.

He laid on his back and looked up at the ceiling, he had so much going on inside of his head that he just wanted to sleep it off but he had to go to work. He got up from his spot on the bed and grabbed a towel so that he could take a shower to get ready for work. He took off his clothes and got in the shower but as soon as the water hit his chest his mind started running again. How far was he ready to take this with Tanya? They had been talking for a little bit over month now and he could see that she definitely was worth keeping around but being cheated on definitely made him a little weary of getting into another relationship. He had to admit though, it had been a minute since he was in a relationship and he missed it. He missed having someone care enough to make him food, wash his clothes, and most importantly he missed the constant sex. Tanya seemed like she didn't want to have sex with him though; she didn't even try to initiate anything with him. He knew women too well and when they wanted sex they would make sure it was known that they wanted the D. Tanya hadn't tried none of that and when they was kissing and stuff she didn't even try to take off his pants. He hoped she wasn't abstinent because he really didn't want to deal with that. Sex wasn't the most important thing in the relationship but it was a big part of it and if he wasn't getting none then he would have to really think it through.

He got out of the shower and ran to get dressed, he didn't even see the time flying by when he was in the shower becasue he was too busy evaluating his life. Maybe he was making problems where there were none cause so far everything with her was going good. When he got to work he walked straight into the office to talk to his boss about making his position permanent. He knew that making his position permanent would be the only way for him to make his way up the ladder until he was doing what he really wanted to do.

"Good Morning Mr.Williams, glad to see you this bright and early morning." Mr.Turner said.

"Good morning Mr.Turner I just wanted to discuss a few things with you about my transfer situation." he replied.

"Okay well then have a seat," Mr.Turner pointed at the chair. "What exactly did you want to talk about Davonte?"

"Well I've been here for some time and I like working here, I like the atmosphere, and I could definitely see myself moving up in this company. I spoke to you and the executive committee about making my position here permanent several weeks back and you guys told me that if I did well enough I should have no problem getting approved." he looked Mr.Turner in the eyes.

"Well son, when we first got you as a transfer we thought that it would be that easy to just give you the new position, and don't get me wrong you do an amazing job. However, some problems have recently arisen for me and the executive committee and we aren't sure if we'll be able to offer you that position." Mr.Turner answered slowly.

"What! Mr.Turner you know more than anyone that I'm perfect for the job. What could possibly withold me from securing the position? I'm more than qualified and I've been on probation long enough for the company to make a solid decision!" he tried not to yell.

"Calm down Devonte, I am trying to figure things out as we speak. Truth is some of the members on the committee want us to review all potential candidates before giving you the job." Mr.Turner said. "As of now you have the choice of taking a paid leave until you get a response from us or you can continue to come in and work until we make a decision."

Devonte didn't know what to do, his life was falling apart around him. He couldn't understand why Mr.Turner didn't tell him this before and he honestly just wanted to give up. If he lost his job it would be a huge financial setback for the time being and he couldn't take anymore stress in his life at the moment. He had to do whatever he could to make sure he got that position.

"I'll continue to come into work, I can't lose this job Mr.Turner." he stated strongly.

"Well then see you tomorrow Devonte, you could go home for the rest of today I know this news was not the best to hear at the moment." Mr.Turner said thoughtfully.

"Thank you sir. I do have one question for you before I leave." he said as he got out of his chair.

"Yes?" Mr.Turner raised an eyebrow.

"Why didn't you tell me this before I came into your office this morning? Were you even going to let me know at all?" he asked sincerely.

Mr.Turner sighed, " I wanted to let you know but the executive committee thought that we should keep things quiet to avoid any possible problems."

"You still told me though." he pointed out.

"Yes I still told you because if it were me I would've wanted to know where I stood in this company as well. You remind me of myself when I was younger Devonte and I'm glad you decided to prove yourself even after hearing the bad news. I'll do all that I can to make sure you stay Devonte but there is no guarantee." Mr.Turner said truthfully.

"Thank you Mr.Turner, I won't go down without a fight." Devonte replied then walked out the door.

Devonte's mind ran a mile a minute as he got in the car and drove back home. Life sure had a way of making sure that everything bad happened all at once. At this point he really did need to go to church with Tanya. It would be weird though because he hadn't stepped foot in a church since his father died. Now that he thought about he doesn't know why he agreed to go with Tanya so easily. His mom had been trying to get him to go to church for years and he had always refused her but now that Tanya suggested it he didn't mind going. Maybe it was because he never met a girl that went to church to solve her problems. Yes it sounded clichè but she was different and he needed something different and refreshing in his life right now.

It was crazy to him how instead of figuring out what he was going to do about work he found himself thinking about Tanya. Slowly but surely she was growing on him and sooner or later he would have to figure out how far he wanted to take it with her. Was he just with her because he didn't want to be alone or was he with her because he liked how much she didn't remind him of Shirley?