The Girlfriend Experience

Chapter 5: Questions

Rhiannon

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I lean over the toilet and wait to see if I'm going to get sick again and nothing comes out.

I've been throwing up all morning, my body has run out of materials for me to eject. I still feel like shit, my stomach is churning like there's a storm brewing in there, my heart is beating freakishly fast and there's a burning sensation rising up in my throat. It also doesn't help that my best friend had completely humiliated in front of the entire biology class.

Why does she always have to open her big mouth and ruin everything?

Things were already hard enough as it is and she just added salt to the injury and it burned. A part of me wants to rejoice in the fact that she stood up in front of the whole class to address him but I can't. It doesn't feel right for me to be happy about this. Brandon did hurt me but insulting him publicly isn't how I want to resolve things. All I wanted was a nice little civilized talk with him to get answers but I highly doubt I'm going to get that after Clara's outburst.

I seriously need to start thinking about getting new friends. I need more optimal friends who won't kick me when I'm down.

I kick the bathroom stall door open with my leg and it slams loudly against the wall. I may feel weak but the vitriolic rage bubbling inside me feels stronger. Once I'm in front of the sink I let the water run while I gaze at myself in the mirror. All the makeup on my face and my sad eyes makes me look like a depressing street hooker.

This is me now.

A week ago I was blissfully happy, in love and carefree. I never thought the world would crash on me like that. I saw it happen to other people but I never thought it would happen to me. I always talked about those people, I sympathized with them but I couldn't understand because I couldn't relate then. I know the feeling all too well now.

Unable to continue staring at my face in its current state I lower my head down on the sink and let the water run down my face. It's cold but it's refreshing and relaxing. I let it run down my face until I hear someone walk through the door and I pull away, startled.

"Oh my God, your makeup!" It's Kylie, she runs towards me to wipe my face with her hand. Clara comes in behind her but she's trying not to look at me.

"It's ruined," she cries.

I shrug, not really caring much about the stupid makeup.

Kylie sighs and backs away me. Behind her, Clara is still not looking at me, as if I'm not in the room. So she embarrasses me and fails to acknowledge what she did, classic Clara. I can tell by her scrunched up face that she's sorry but she just doesn't want to utter the words. Sensing the palpable tension in the room, Kylie whips her head back at her and scratches her throat loudly.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs.

I pretend not to hear and say nothing in response.

My silence causes her to take a few steps closer towards my direction. "I'm really sorry, Rhi," She says again. "I don't know what came over me. I just wanted him to feel an ounce of what you're feeling, I didn't think__"

"You didn't think it through." I exclaim. "That little show you put back there didn't just humiliate him, it humiliated me too, Clara."

"I know but I wasn't thinking about your feelings and I'm really sorry about that."

"I appreciate your help but for right now I'm trying to keep a low profile while I deal with this and I don't want to give these people a reason to discuss me anymore than they have to."