The Stoner & The Blind Girl

Part 33

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"...every vision of the past is a vision of the blind."

-Jacques Roubaud

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I looked at the pills in my hand. It was beginning to feel like a pattern. Knowing I shouldn't be doing something and then doing it anyway. Having everything blow up in my face and not understanding why. Making the same mistakes and hoping things would change.

Is this what insanity is like?

I could still hear the echo of Levi's voice telling me to be careful as if he'd just said it. I could imagine the tears falling down Emma's cheeks as if the pain I was causing was new.

It was like my life was replying around me and I couldn't stop it. Only in this version, only the bad parts remained.

I sighed.

It was the fucking pills. It's like everything in my life decided to go wrong ever since I took that first bag of pills from Ashley. And, here I was about to screw everything up again.

Was I really ready to do that?

I had already ruined things between Rebecca and Devon the first time. Was I really ready to ruin what was left between Emma and me? To ruin my friendships even more?

No, I wasn't. I won't.

I shoved the baggy of pills into a jar and closed the lid.

I was weak. I had become such a bad person lately. I was letting everyone down. I didn't want to be weak anymore. I didn't want to be the guy that nobody could count on.

I picked up the solid black jar before setting it on my bookcase. I picked up my phone ready to finally talk to Emma. Ready to finally tell her the truth and most importantly ready to finally let the past go.

I didn't care what happened between her and Ian anymore. I just wanted what was left between the two of us to go back to the way it used to be.

Just as the dial tone let out its first ring I heard a car door slam from outside my window. I walked over to my window to see Levi's Dad's truck in the driveway.

To make things even more confusing, I could just make out Emma as she got out of the passenger seat of the truck. Staying in the car I could see Levi with his head against the wheel.

Why would Emma be with Levi?

I hung up the phone before walking downstairs and opening the front door. I stepped outside.

"What are you doing here, Em?" I asked in confusion as I looked at her. Her back was facing me as she ran her fingers through her hair.

I looked away from her towards the car. Levi was still waiting in the car. His head was turned leaned against the wheel as he looked at me. I could just make out him mouthing 'sorry' before he turned his head away.

What did he do? What did he have to be sorry for?

I turned away from him to see Emma pacing now. Her side to me. Her cane in a death grip in her hand.

Suddenly she stopped turning to look just left of where I stood.

"You are doing pills again." She stated not asked.

Her large black glasses acting as a shield between us.

I looked towards Levi. What did he tell her?

"I'm not. I haven't. Not since that one time.." I said trying to convince her. I may have thought of it, but I didn't take a single pill. I hadn't even smoked a joint since then.