Umm... What?

My Laptop Is Old And Stupid

This is about the incident I mentioned yesterday, but I was going to type it after I posted yesterday's chapter for this, that is, until my laptop decided otherwise. But I'm here now, so let's get this over with.

So, for my birthday, my friend gave me her old phone, knowing I have been wanting and needing one for years now. It was like my parents refused to get me a phone, while my sisters get tablets and phones and shit. So, it meant a lot to me that my friend gave me the phone, and I am treasuring it forever. My parents, especially my mom, crush my dreams a lot, my passions and everything. I will say, my grades aren't the best, but at this point of my life, a lot of shit is going on, and my mind is elsewhere, I can't focus. I had asked my mom about going swimming with my friend (the one who got me the phone), and I had told her that I had to get something turned in that night to raise my grade up. 

My mom is extremely dense, probably from how much weed she smokes but whatever. She tells me no because of the grade, and I repeated what I had said. Later on, maybe an hour later, I'm in my living room and my mom tells me to come over to her and read the email my teacher had sent me. The thing is, I already knew what the email said, I was with my teacher when she had written it, my teacher told me everything. So, I was aggravated and went to her, responding with a," What?" 

She turns to me and says," Don't talk to me like that, or I will take that phone, smash it into pieces, and throw it away." That shattered me, and I blocked out everything my mom was saying. I hate crying in front of people, I absolutely hate it, but in that moment, I couldn't stop the tears from forming. Once she was done talking, she looks at me, and I comprehended one thing she said. I responded with," I already said I needed to get it done, I already said when. Why you tell me this, I don't know. Just forget I even asked. You always do this, with anything I ask for, and I don't ask for a lot." Then I stormed to my room, balling my eyes out. 

Ten minutes later, she comes into my room to talk to me, and at that point I was in pure rage. I told her to just forget all of it, to leave me alone. Once she was gone, I got up and locked my door, keeping myself in my room the rest of the night. I had gotten the work done, like I said, and turned it in, bringing my grade up. But I couldn't stop crying, at all. I couldn't breathe, I was crushed. The fact that my mom has crushed my passion, my happiness, countless of times, that's why I felt so broken. 

Like before my birthday, I have been wanting this haircut for ages, and I asked her if that could be my birthday present from her. She kept saying no, until she said one thing. "I'm not having my child have fucked up and stupid hair." I cried myself to sleep that night. 

She's always like this. Maybe I should be like Madonna and become a rebel.