Forbidden Pleasures

[21.]

I don't sleep well. I barely sleep at all. The thinking and doubting and hating keeps me up for the whole night. I don't want to get up and face Adrian. But this is my job. And if now hurts that much already, I can't imagine how much it will hurt after being with him for longer.

It makes me realise that this wasn't a good idea and that it was stupid of me to think that I could actually do it without any consequences. And Adrian is purposefully being a bastardo, so that makes things even harder.

I look horrible. My eyes are sunken and just vain and dead. My face is pale, my body is still the same. I've been trying to eat more, but my body is trained to not feel any hunger, apparently. I'm used to not eating because there were a lot of days in my life that I had to go to sleep in hunger, so the food is not really something my body would crave.

And, truthfully, I sometimes forget all about food. My thoughts are mostly full of Adrian and there are things happening that just make me forget to eat. I want to, but I just ... forget.

Today, food is far from my mind. I think if I ate something, I doubt I'd keep it down. I've been torturing myself for the whole night, thinking about the things Adrian and that gorgeous woman are doing. Did she stay the night? I don't think I want to know. But I'm self-destructive enough to ask him or Milena about it anyway.

I drag myself down in the kitchen, yawning the whole time. My eyes are watering so hard that I see everything blurry. That's why I don't spot Adrian sitting at the table at first. My tired brain doesn't even register that the light is already on.

I come to a halt when my eyes land on him. He looks at me, lifting his head. He looks tired, too. He's working on his computer, wearing glasses. I have to blink a few times, trying hard not to yawn yet again, and when I focus on him a little more, I see he's still wearing the same clothes, but they're wrinkled and his dress shirt is half opened. His eyes are red and his hair is all tousled.

Goddamn him and his sexiness.

"Good morning, Cassandra," he greets me. His voice is slightly hoarse and a little deeper than usual. I don't want to, but I still react to it. I can't help myself. He always manages to bring a reaction out of me.

I nod at him and then cowardly walk to the kitchen, double checking the clock to see I'm not late.

"You can slow down today. I'm working from home."

I close my eyes and let out a song as my heart skips a few beats in my chest. I'm a coward. I openly admit it. I also admit that's what I feared because I don't want to be around Adrian right now. I don't know how to act. I know I shouldn't act like a possessive, jealous, nagging girlfriend because I'm far from that and because what we have isn't anything that serious.

But what can I do when all I want to do is act like a possessive, jealous, nagging girlfriend? That's what I hoped I'll figure out when he'd be at work. Now this won't be possible because he's not going anywhere today.

"Bring your ass here so we can talk."

"Talk about what?" I chirp, not mentally ready for this. I'm still cowardly looking away. I can be a savage at times, but then there also come times when emotions get the best of me and I turn into a crying baby. This is one of those times, apparently. Adrian quickly became my soft spot.

"I have a job to do," I reply quietly, playing with my dress.

"I'm your boss, Cassandra. And when I tell you to come here and talk, you come here and talk. You also look at me when I'm talking to you." Mierda, he sounds pissed this morning.