when tomorrow comes || enjonine

+ chapter 4

i planned to attend the meeting at cafe musain that night. i had already spent a decent portion of the day with enjolras, due to his extraneous shopping needs, and although i begged him not to, he bought me a loaf of bread as well. i eventually found it impossible to resist. oh, it had been days since i had last eaten! i was absolutely famished and my stomach was growling so audibly that he must have pitied me. he remarked that it was to thank me for putting up with him, but i was grateful no matter the reason.

it was rather late in the after-noon, and the sun, peeking out through the parting clouds, was in the center of the sky. rather than squint furiously as i typically did, i smiled. i was elated. my hunger was satisfied. i had another person to call my friend (if enjolras would be willing to consider himself as so).

i opened the door to our flat, my mind entirely absent of wretched thoughts. my state of contentment caused me to momentarily disregard the misery of my life, but of course, the feeling soon returned when i took one glimpse of my horrid father.

"ah, pony, you've returned! i've a little something for you to deliver!"

my father had not much love for my mother or my siblings, and an antipathy for me. he bullied and punished us not a few times a week, not a few times a day, but continually. every cell in my body despised him and every morsel of me feared him: i shrank back whenever he came near. there were moments where i was bewildered by the terror he unleashed upon our family. i did not hope to encourage him, my siblings did not wish to offend him, and my mother turned a blind eye. she never saw him strike us or listened as he yelled, though he frequently did both in her presence, but more frequently behind her back.

i was habitually obedient to him and approached his desk. he licked the flap on the envelope and sealed it shut, and in handing it to me, began scrutinizing my appearance. i wasn't sure what he was searching for or what i had done.

"you're lookin' a little different, epo'ly," he said in a gruff tone. "there's somethin' on your face."

"i'm sure it is only grime of the streets," i responded bitterly, still unaware of what he had discovered. he rose to take a closer look, and suddenly, he had induced a blow upon me.

i was accustomed to this routine: accepting the blow and awaiting whatever insult followed.

"you selfish fool! how dare you gorge yourself without considering the rest of your family!"

"i'm sorry," i said, manifesting my courage and trying to sound sincere.

he threw the envelope on my floor beside of me and exclaimed, "if you don't come back 'ere with some money, you'll be sleepin' outside."

i nodded. "yes, sir."

i retrieved the envelope and scurried out of the house, my emotions an uncomfortable combination of shaken and furious.

"what a wicked and cruel man," i said to no one in particular. "like the roman emperors."

i only knew of the roman emperors because enjolras often spoke of them in his meetings. he would relate the oppressed state of france to rome under the reigns of nero or caligula, and i often related his allusions to my father and his actions.

and now my thoughts had grown consumed by enjolras! the marble man had transformed my existence in a span of twenty-four hours. not once have i thought of marius and all of his qualities— only of this golden haired revolutionary that i was now inextricably and irresistibly drawn to.

was it love? i didn't believe so. i was not one for love; i was unable to recognize it. i had never felt it and could not comprehend these complex feelings within myself.