Two True Loves || Jamilams (Completed) ✨

An Accidental Case of Feelings

Alex POV:

Have you ever seen a person and just thought, they're beautiful. But you know you can't get them, and you're left in the corner sulking. That's me.

I know I've only known them for a day, but they're so attracting, and just the two most beautiful things in the world. That's Thomas and John. They're so perfect for each other, and I've always wanted to have that satisfying perfection.

I wonder what life would be like if I could just have whatever I wanted. It wouldn't be boring, but it wouldn't be the best. If only I could just tell them. I fall for people too quickly and it ends quite badly. I fell for this guy once. But he broke my heart, right after he cheated on me and raped me.

We leave the cafe after my episode of thoughts, when we get back to the dorm, I immediately run to my room. Thomas and John exchange worried glances as I run to the bathroom in my room. I swiftly slouch over the sink and take a glance in the mirror, I regret seeing my face. I'm so disgusting and revolting.

I run to the toilet, and vomit all the food I had today. I hear John asking Thomas something, and then run to the door and knock frantically.

"Alex? Are you okay?" John asks, worry filling his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say, but it didn't convince him.

"I know we just met you, but we know when somebody is lying," Thomas says, now behind the door. I take the razor hidden in my pants pocket and quickly slice three slashed into my thighs. One. For being ugly. Two. For being fat. Three. For being disgusting.

And four, just because I deserve it.

"If to don't tell us, well break the door down, Alexander," Thomas says seriously. I hastily roll my pants leg down and hide the razor in the bottom of the toothbrush cup. I open the door.

"I'm okay," I say with a sad smile. They noticed the sad part.

"Tell us what's wrong, even thought we've known you for only a day, you're part of our friend group, do spit it out," John says, with a stern tone.

"There's nothing wrong, I just had a stomach bug, is all," I say, with my best convincing smile. They give me a look, but they accept my reply.

"Well believe you for now," I heard Thomas mutter, ushering me to come out of the bathroom.  I step out, cautiously.

"Alex, we need to talk to you, if we're gonna be friends, then we need to know what your going through," John says patting a spot beside him on the couch, I take a seat. Thomas sits on the other side of me and smiles at me. I smile back.

"What's going on, please tell us?" Thomas asks politely, staring at me with his brown eyes. I stare into them, and find myself wrapped into his eyes. My world is in their eyes and being.

How could I develop these feelings all of a sudden and not enough give it consent? How could I feel this way about two people I just met?

Because that's how life works.

"If I t-tell you, I'll tell you l-later, I'm not c-comfortable now," I say, fidgeting with my fingers. John and Thomas nod, understandingly.

They then get up and walk to the kitchen, I hear John giggling and Thomas whisper something. A tear found its way down my cheek as I watched the happy couple in love. I wish I could be with them.

Wish.

I get up, and walk to the room.

Wish.

I reach for the razor in the cup.

Wish.

I roll up my pants leg and slowly cut on where I left off, only to see the red flowing satisfyingly down my leg. I look down at myself in the mirror. I cringe in disgust. I throw the razor at the mirror , only hitting it , not breaking it. I groan as I get up to retrieve the blade, and I cut six times on one arm and eight times on the other.

I let the tears run down my cheeks.

Why do I hate myself?

Sorry for the depressing chapter but I'm inputting my emotions into my writing, it helps me. I guess. But, don't worry I'm okay. I'm okay. Anyways, thanks for reading and please vote, because if I get at least 20 votes then I will do the most requested thing. Smut, fluff, or angst???

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