Two True Loves || Jamilams (Completed) ✨

I Don't Know Why

Alex P.O.V:

I don't need this.

I don't need this negativity. John is okay. Thomas is okay. I, as an individual, am okay.

Then, what the hell is wrong? All I want is to smile and be happy with my boyfriends. They are all anyone could ever want honestly.

I don't mean to be a burden to them, if I am... I just... I want someone to hug... love... Kiss?

I close my eyes, letting something take me over, some type of calmness. My body's anxiety fleeing as my calm demeanor resonated in my fingertips.

I open the door to my dorm, walking outside. We had a house dorm, which I'm grateful for. It's not like typical colleges, and we actually get decent housing.

The sun was just rising. The birds not even awake yet. The night had been stressful, yes, and all I wanted was a drip of relief. The stars started to fade, and the array of familiar oranges, lilacs and pinks. The colors rushed into the sky like paint in water.

It was beautiful. The stars that remained look like John's freckles. And the colors of the sunrise look like Thomas's eyes. Yellowish and brown. They were pretty, nonetheless.

They could pull you in, and make you get lost in them.  It was almost so sad. But. Mesmerizing.

It also reminded me of the Caribbean. The sea crashing on the beach, the smell of the ocean invading my senses.

I wish I could go back someday. It's so pretty. Life is beautiful, but... I don't have a clue. Do I?

"Alex?" A voice from behind me calls. I whip my head around to see Thomas, standing awkwardly but cutely against the frame of the porch. I smile at him, nodding for him to come over to me.

"How's John?" I ask, my voice quiet and small. Like the birds.

"He's sleeping. He was so happy earlier. But he's acting off. Like something is missing.." he said, furrowing his brows in worry.

I pressed my lips together, knowing why.

"Figures.. he got hit by a car for the trees' sake.." I whispered. I was worried too. But. I was more worried about his memory of me.

I know it's selfish, but I need to know he remembers me.. it'll eat me inside out until I find out.

"He loves you, Lex." Thomas states, his expression firm but soft, his eyes wandering to the sunrise.

I smile, grateful of his reassurance.

"It's beautiful." He whispers.

"Like you.." I say back, resting my head on his shoulders. He smiles, a small blush visible on his dark skin.

"Thanks, darlin', not to bad yourself, y'know." He laughs, intertwining our fingers, watching the colors slip and weave through the dark blue.

I look to him, pecked his cheek, and scurried inside, leaving Thomas in the morning, and walking into our bedroom, looking at John adoringly.

He was cuddling the pillow like a small child. It was so cute, and I never thought I'd get to see it.

I walk silently over to the edge of the bed, and crawled under the thin sheets. My arms slithered around John's body, snuggling into his shoulder. He moved slightly, a small groan emitting from his lips.

I smile into his shoulder, tightening my grasp around him lightly, not too much. Sleep soon took over me, my body resting against John and the pillows.

"Alex...."

"Alex..."

I walked down a hall. A voice coming from the door at the end, but the hallway didn't seem to end. It just kept going.

My confusion was bubbling up in me, to the brim.

I didn't know what was happening. Least to say, I was uneasy.

The hallways illusion finally subdued, and I reached the door. Strange music was playing from inside, and a small girl with braids sat in the chair.

"Alex..." She whispered, her knuckles turning white, gripping the side of the chair violently.

"Yes...?" I replied, my voice meek.

"H-h-help!" She screamed, as the floor beneath her sunk. I tried to move, to grab her, but she was gone, and my feet stuck to the spot.

I was panicking and utterly confused.

What do I do?

I felt something move on my arms. It was a white rose thorn...?

It was growing feverishly around my wrists and up my forearm, blood emitting from the wounds, the once white rose, turned red with blood filled intimacy.

It stung but I was numb.

I suddenly gasped, blood dripping from my lips, the drops hitting the floor. The wood creaking.

I screamed loudly, my voice cracking from the sudden outburst of pain in my back.

"Oh god shit! H-help! Fucking hell!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, oxygen leaving my system, leaving me breathless.

"What is is done, is what is done. After all is said and done, you'd be the one to run."

"What?" I whispered. My voice hoarse.

"Too late."

I was ripped through the wall, and my small body landing in a room surrounded by sharp objects.

"Too. Late. Too. Late. Too. Late. Too late!" The voice boomed, vibrations sending chills down my spine.

"I don't need you." It said.

A knife soon found it's way in my torso. My eyes closing.

"Alex..."

"Alex..?"

"H-help.." I stuttered, coming to the realization it was only a lucid dream.

"Oh baby.." the voice cooed, taking me in their arms, rocking me slowly.

The scent soon reminded me it was John. And the room was filled with natural light.

"J-John.." I cried. Tears slipping down my cheeks. I grabbed his shirt with my hands, pulling on it, crying into his shoulder.

"It's okay... I'm here...I'm here." He repeated, kissing my shoulder sweetly. I nodded, not wanting to speak.

I don't know why.

Guess who made a chapter? This boi. Anywhoooooo. Thanks for reading and voting and commenting and all that jazz.

Anyways I need some ideas and if any of you have ANY ideas, hit me up in the comments or DM or PM me.

:D thanks for reading babes!!! ;*

-Love-Your-Ships