Carnation (Hanahaki AU)

1

'For you - I could pretend like I was happy when I was sad'

.

You experienced the beautiful disease firsthand: the white carnation petals slowly falling from your lips, resting gently on your hands with notable crimson stains. A cold realisation dawns on you, disturbing the peaceful state of your mind. You are in love - a one-sided love with Todoroki Shouto.

He is a stoic male with a cold and distant personality but he started to open up after the U.A. Sports Festival. Heterochromic eyes had looked at you quizzically, sending a silent question regarding your well-being after you returned to your seat which was next to him. You responded with a smile, masking your feelings of uncertainty and anxiety.

"(Y/n), are you alright?" Ochako asked you after school, noticing that your face seemed paler than usual. "You hadn't shown up after lunch until class was almost over, I was so worried!"

"Sorry, I went to Recovery Girl to get some medicine so I was running a bit late." You replied with an apologetic grin. "But it was nothing serious though! Just a small headache." You quickly added when you saw her starting to panic, "Seriously, don't worry about it."

Ochako seemed reluctant to drop the issue so you distracted her with your own question about class. Fortunately, Aizawa-sensei didn't assign you with additional homework and let you off with a warning. You arrived home feeling tired and worn out. Flopping onto your bed, you started to think about the cause of your disease.

A burning sensation spread through your lungs, violent coughs erupting from your throat and causing you to bend forward in a futile attempt to lessen the pain. Something claws inside your throat, threatening to escape. Another wave of pain spread through your chest and with another cough, a handful of white and red carnation petals falls from your lips onto your bedroom floor. There are so many petals on the floor that the sight of them sends a cold shiver down your spine. You realize that if the disease isn't treated or Todoroki doesn't return your feelings, you will die.

What a beautiful yet ugly disease.

Delicate flowers grow inside your lungs, slowly eating away your flesh and ability to breathe. Gradually, it could suffocate you with its beautiful petals, killing you softly. The petals are gorgeous and pretty, but also ugly. Whenever they fall from your lips, stained with blood, you will always be reminded of the ugly truth of a one-sided love.

After cleaning up the mess, you went to sleep with a heavy feeling in your chest. You don't want to tell your parents since it would stress them out and they would force you to get a surgery; you don't want to lose your feelings for him. You didn't plan to tell the half-hot-half-cold male either. Not when he seems to be interested in another female classmate, Yaoyorozu Momo. She is a beautiful, intelligent girl with a powerful quirk, not to mention her kindness and passion to become a hero. She's perfect. So perfect that it leaves you with plummeting confidence levels and insecurity about yourself and your ability. Your quirk isn't useful like hers; you can control plants, but only when they are within close proximity so your quirk can't do much if they aren't within your arms reach. You aren't the most beautiful and you're not the most intelligent in class. Comparing yourself with her, you become aware of the harsh truth that Todoroki and Yaoyorozu seems to be a perfect couple. The chance of him returning your feelings dim, leaving you with a question before you go into a deep slumber.

Will he love you back?

The following morning you go to school with your question unanswered. Entering your classroom, your eyes immediately find his bicolor hair. He sends you a nod which you return with a bright smile, ignoring the pain that slowly burns your lungs. You look away and sit on your seat and the pain subsides. You don't intend on confessing to him. Not yet, as the fear of rejection is greater than your courage. You fear that his reply would be what you expect; 'sorry I can't return your feelings' or 'I don't love you'. Or worse, 'Sorry, I love Yaoyorozu'.

A scratchy feeling creeps up your throat. Letting out multiple coughs you put your head down and try to suppress the petals from leaving your mouth. After a while you stop coughing, the pain you feel is so unbearable that your eyes water and your chest continues to burn.

"Are you okay?" Todoroki asks, his stoic expression hiding the concern laced in his calm voice. "Do you need to see Recovery Girl?" He asks again after you've wiped your watery eyes with your sleeves.

"No, I'm fine." You manage to choke out a reply, keeping your gaze lowered to avoid the pain that might return upon looking at him. Trying to act normal is difficult, especially in front of him when it feels like multiple tiny needles are pricking your chest whenever you talk or look at his face. "Just a cold." You let out a small grin without looking at him so he won't be concerned and drop the topic.

The male nods, even though you don't turn around to face him. A hint of doubt graces his face for a moment then disappears just as quickly. He returns to his book and remains quiet until a green haired boy decides to engage him in a conversation. You let out a soft sigh, sneaking a glance at the male with beautiful eyes. A small, almost unnoticeable smile adorns his face. The painful sensation immediately comes back stronger than before and spreads through your chest without warning, causing you to cough violently again. You press your hands tightly against your mouth to stop the petals from falling while you run to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, you lock yourself in one of the stalls and continue to cough until the floor is covered with red petals speckled with white spots. Tears roll down your face while you clean up the mess that you've made. You flush the petals down the toilet, successfully getting rid of them without leaving any trace. While trying to collect yourself your mind wanders aimlessly and unconsciously you think about the small smile that adorned his face. Another cough escapes your dry throat along with another handful of petals. Only this time, the carnation petals are a bloody red, not a speck of white to be seen.

.

.

.

'I wish love was perfect as love itself'

Fake Love, BTS