Life and Love (My Fight Against Cancer)

Macawrong (my version of french macarons)

It's been months since I was forced to stop working. Simply because no one knows how my body would react on the drugs.

Labag sa kalooban ko ang tumigil pansamantala sa paghahanap buhay, ngunit wala akong magagawa dahil ito ay hinihingi ng pagkakataon. Naging malaking katanungan sa akin kung paano ako makaka sustain sa pang araw araw ko, sa hospital bills and transpo. Ngunit kagaya ng lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko na, God will always provide, He will make a way for me and always look on the brighter side of everything.

Ngunit hindi rin naman maiiwasan ang mag isip. Paano nga ba ako kung wala naman akong sapat na halaga. Wala rin naman akong ipon dahil pinapadala ko lang lahat sa probinsya. Paano nga ba?

I need to think of something to help me even just for my food expenses. I won't worry too much of my hospital bills kasi makikiusap nalang muna ako sa hospital at sa doctor. Though when it comes to my food, hindi madamot ang mga kasama ko sa bahay, but I don't want to be a burden. Meron lang akong sakit but I know I can still find a way to earn a living. I need to find ways, but for the meantime kelangan ko muna mag observe how my body will react to the treatment.

It was a bit hard. I am experiencing different pains that sometimes I will just cry because I can't do anything to ease the pain. I need to bear all the pain as I walk on my journey to complete healing. Mahirap pero alam ko na malalampasan ko din ito.

It was I reckon after my 3rd cycle when I forced my body to do something to help me earn some amount. I got bills to pay.

I was busy thinking on a monday evening when my roommate came with a plastic of groceries. She told me, here's the ingredients, manood ka sa you tube kung paano gawin iyon at pag nakagawa ka dadalhin ko sa work para ibenta. I was happy upon hearing it, hindi ako magaling mag bake or cook dishes. I thought she wants me to bake brownies, pero hindi pala, nagulat ako she wants me to bake "french macarons" dahil masarap daw at madami daw bumibili nun. Kinabahan ako kasi para sa akin mahirap gawin iyon. I have watched about it before. I just think of it as another challenge. Kagaya ng pakikipaglaban ko sa sakit ko,challenge din na makagawa ako ng macarons.

Since I am homebound for the time being, I got all the time to watch different videos. So I did. And it was one saturday afternoon that I decided to give it a try. Happy to see the result, but it was not as good as the one offered on different coffee shops along the metro. Meron mga crack ang nagawa ko and the sizes are not equal. But kahit papano it tastes good naman eh.

Instead of calling it "french macarons", I told my friend to offer this homemade "french makawrong" to her colleagues. Makawrong simply because I wasn't able to make a perfect shape and size, and considering that some of the cookies na medyo nagkaroon ng crack sa way ng paghawak ko when I was putting the filling.

I discovered something habang ako ay nakikipaglaban sa sakit. Meron pala ako konting kakayahan para makapag bake. Aside from baking french macarons, I also did their request for "choco lava cake" and "chocolate cakes". Thanks to my housemates for their support, sila ang nakaisip ng idea na mag bake ako and they will offer it sa colleagues nila. Their effort means a lot to me.  Idea na nga nila and sila din ang bumibili ingredients madalas co'z sometimes I can't go out sa house.

Sa bawat pagsubok meron tayong matututunan na mga maliliit na bagay, we will discover something sa sarili natin, na meron tayong mga talento na hindi pa natin lubos nagagamit o ang madalas hindi natin alam na biniyayaan tayo ng Dyos ng ganoong kakayahan. That God will find a way for us to discover that talent. On my part, at the time being, nalaman ko na kahit papano ay meron akong kakayanan na makapag bake or makapag luto ng iba't ibang pagkain. Kahit papano at nagkakaroon ako ng konting halaga para sa pang araw araw ko. Natutustusan ko ang mga maliliit na pangangailangan ko despite of my situation. Marami pa man akong kelangan in terms of finances, nagpapasalamat ako sa biyaya na binibigay sa akin. Unti unti malalampasan ko itong pagsubok na ito sa buhay ko, makakabalik ako sa trabaho ko at maipagpapatuloy ko ang aking adhikain na maiparanas sa aking mga magulang ang kaginhawaan sa buhay, na maranasan nila ang buhay na hindi nila naranasan nung kabataan nila dala ng kahirapan.

I am walking on a path laid with thorns but I know that I will surpass all these and will soon walk on a smooth path.

I am praying that I will win this battle the soonest so I can get back to work but of course I will leave it to God. In his perfect time.

Thank you for reading my thoughts and thank you for sending me messages. Sobrang na appreciate ko and you just don't know how happy I am everytime I receive messages.

I have attached more photos of my macawrong. More on pink nagawa ko kasi they want pink 😀. In a box I also included the Initials of the person who ordered it. Kaya meron letters. Para alam k

ng para kanino.