Consequences of Sin

Chapter Four

    "So yeah, sorry about that. I didn't realize. I also didn't think you'd be much interested in to just fucking." I shrug as I say this to Caleb. I am done with the bath, and have fully dressed myself. Applied a fresh coat of some light powder, mascara, and some eyeliner.

   "When it comes to you Carmen, I'm interested in whatever you're willingly to give me." I look at him suspiciously. I really doubt he's going to be to just fuck. "You asked what it's like being your guardian angel? It's been so hard to not show or reveal myself to you over the years. Just know Carmen, I will do anything for you, and will always keep you safe." he says this as if this is common knowledge, but also as if it doesn't bother him at all. Guess maybe it doesn't when you're a guardian angel though. I'm glad to know that there is at least one person who has my back. I've never had that before. Cons of keeping people at an arm's length.

   "Okay then, good to know. I am pretty bad ass on my own though you know? I can do shit myself." I say with a wink. No matter what I will always put up the facade that I'm a bad ass. I don't ever want to be seen as weak or needy. Those things can get you killed or worse.

   "I know this. You've had no other choice to be. While you're with me, just let me take care of you." I narrow my eyes, he really knows way too much. I wonder, can he read my thoughts too? I'm not even going to ask, I'm not sure I actually want to know the answer to that.

   "Speaking of being with you, how long is this going to last? I know it's been awhile since we star trekked away from there. And what's with that? You can transport us with a bright blue flash of light? Awesome. I need to learn that cool trick." I am truly impressed with this transporting thing. I would love to be able to do it.

   "Most angels can transport as such, yes, even Lucifer in case you're wondering." I roll my eyes at this. Of course he would be able to. Is there  anything he isn't able to do? "So, yeah, you should be able to if you trained. You've never worked on trying to train your powers. No matter how many times your father tried to persuade you to.... why?" he asks incredulously, like it's some sort of crime to not train your powers.

   "I never wanted him to know what sort of powers I may have, or how powerful I could be. To be honest, I don't think even I wanted to know the answer. Even if I had try training by myself, alone, I was in Hell. Somebody would have seen me, and would have reported back to Lucifer. I didn't want that. Also, I haven't exactly been able to use it for anything other than meddling here and there, when I mess with Dad and his associates. I can feel the power in me. It does call to me, but that's it. I can't summon it." I really hate admitting this, but guess since he's my guardian angel he probably needs to know. "I suppose working on training them could help with that problem." Now would be the best time to admit my other fear I have. "I'm also afraid of what my powers could be. Are they dark and evil? Or good? They could be as chaotic and unstable as I feel inside most the time. I just don't know. I'm afraid, if I begin to use them, and work with them, that I could lose control. I don't want to destroy things, or become evil. I don't want to be anything like my dad, but what if that's what happens?" I have finally voiced my deepest fear. What if my powers, this magic, turns me into my father. I would rather never use them, or die if it ever happened. I cannot be like him.

   "I see. I can understand your fear, but Carmen, it's time to start training those powers. They will overwhelm, and consume you from the inside out. I can feel how powerful you are Carmen. Don't shake your head at me. You radiate a shit ton of power. I can also feel how much power has built up inside you, and is begging to be released. It can destroy you if you don't let it out. You don't want that." he says sorrowfully, as if he knows if maybe he actually cares. I get he's my guardian angel, but I'm just a job. He don't actually care about me like I'm taking his tone to mean, I'm sure. I shake my head to rid the thought of him actually caring about me as more than a job, a duty, he has to do. Why would I even want him to? I'm obviously in need of sleep.